Posts Tagged ‘Blood Bowl – The Skull Takers

28
Oct
10

Blood Bowl – The Orc-Toof cup, final.

No semi finals this time, of which I can only assume the Gobbos did something to the Orc team before their match involoving far too many explosives ending in catastrophe resulting in both teams being annihilated…who knows? So without a semi-final to worry about The Pierced Heart and The Skull Takers show up ready for the spectacular final of the Orc-Toof cup.

The Pierced Heart Dark Elf team. Let's see if they are any deadlier than before.

Being a very successful team of psychotic miscreants has its downfalls. For one the team horsedrawn cart is constantly mobbed by idiotic fans who do not realise it will be the last thing they ever do as Ram’em Down demonstrates before every game in his ritual stampeding of the crowd. More importantly though it means the opposition constantly has hundreds of thousands of gold to spend on star players, extra rerolls and the like. It is quite daunting when in every game a star player appears waiting to rip your players heads off.

This match was not unlike the others. The PIE team as we shall call them, paid for a very famous assassin to join the ranks for one match only. Coach TooNu couldn’t be more worried about a character that can shadow your team members while stabbing at them with a razor sharp poisoined knife whilst avoiding anything coming towards him. A deadly opponent…

Well, at least they got a reroll for their 450,000 gold pieces.

…that our chaos warrior Krushzor saw fit to take out in the very first turn of the match. Sucks to spend so much gold on a star player only for him to be so utterly dissapointing you want to scream so loud until you actually die from over screaming. Oh well, what a shame.

Many Many Dark pointy ears going down to the power of Chaos.

And so the match would begin much like a medieval sieging, lot’s of large things hitting other things, only the other things breaking quite rapidly leaving nothing standing at the end. Chaos players do very much like ripping apart a Dark Elf team, if not to stop their stupid arrogant ways but also because…they can do it so damn well.

See the tactic works, hit them and keep hitting them and then just walk a touchdown in.

Hit them again and again and again and again. Remove any Dark Elves from the pitch in rapid succession and then score a touchdown to put the pressure on them. It’s both violent physically but also mentally brutal at the same time.

A silly mistake costs the Pierced Heart the advantage.

Just a few turns in the field (firey purple rock field) had become quite red with Dark Elf blood. The nameless gods looking on would be proud of what they have helped twist into a cruel destructive force.

Ty get's a little help from his friends and breaks through the Dark Elf half. Mutants = win.

Even when the pointy Hearts had the ball, they struggled to keep ahold of it. If a beastman was not finding his way into their packed defences to get at the ball, a chaos warrior was shouldering his way through behind a giant Minotaur that just kept on hitting and hitting like a charging…well, bull. Moo.

A Blitzer tries to take Ty out before it's too late. Sadly for him, it was allready too late.

Ty-Nogors proving once again just incase anybody missed it before how great he is at running the ball from point A. to point B. Point A. being the place the Elf dropped it and point B. being the elven endzone. With his extra arm, extra head and suprisingly charismatic wit he shows the other players on both teams just how it is supposed to be done.

Never let a Minotaur kick the ball, they are far too strong.

Minotaurs also had quite a nice day. Ram’em Down had polished his horns with his favourite brush and a bucket of Goblin blood before the match started and was making sure that as many Dark Elves as possible got a close look at all of his hard work. Many Dark Elves suffered to bring us such nice photos, suffering I am sure they would agree was necessary.

Ram'em Down clears a path to the ball carrier. The Takers recieve the ball again.

At no point during the match was the outcome ever in question. Coach TooNu had given precise instructions to his players that it was vital to the false gods plans that this game be won, and won in a viloent manner the likes of which Blood Bowl enthusiasts would remember as more of a blood bath than an actual match. And so they took the words of coach TooNu and set about making sure they came to be. Ty-Nogors even got stuck in but like all egotistical murderous mutants he had a duty to score touchdowns, less his average drops.

Ty runs with it to the left, his 2nd head get's him out of trouble yet again. 2 heads ARE better than 1.

Being a mutant has its benefits, an extra hand to carry buckets of blood to the shrine, or keeping one head awake so nothing can creep up on you in the dark for example. Though arguing amongst yourself is quite a bore after awhile.

We see far too much of Ty scoring, so instead here are the 'Cursed Girls Cheerleader Squad'.

A quick match in comparison to some other tight close matches, or long drawn out matches of constant struggle for pitch supremacy but when playing against a team that is far weaker than you it is to be expected. Like coach TooNu always says, “Don’t let them get their A-game on and you won’t have any suprises or anything unexpected happen. Crush them into the floor and keep them there, so when they get up you know where they are and can do it again.”

3-0 and a really safe win for the Takers. The crowd don't seem to be too excited however.

While not a crowd favourite, the running game works brilliantly if you are to win with a team whose agility and accuracy are not exactly ‘on the ball’. Sometimes a throw can work but the catch rarely does, and if they do work together then the crowd go nuts and the match get’s a higher rating. Sadly unless you train your players for throwing and catching, your chances of this are not great.

Scrufmulgors MVP, picks up the Gaurd ability as a result of leveling up thanks to this. He will be the new Right side Beastman.

Scrufmulgors becomes even more of a ‘one to watch for’ kinda beastman. A few times he has suprised the crowd by doing something quite unexpected, or perhaps expected because beastman do indeed like to ram things with their horns quite frequently. Scruf’ tends to think a little more than most beastmen and manages to create moments for the team to take advantage of. We shall have to keep an eye (or as many eyes as you can spare) on him in the future.

Not very Orcy is it? not even 1 Orc Tooth on it either. Oh well, the 3rd trophy to take back home to the Chaos wastes.

The third trophy gets plundered by the Skull Takers chaos team from the wastes. The dagger of the trophy immediately finds its way into the apothecarys hands for some…experiments.

Many many awards this time around. Most injuries, most Touchdowns, most running yards. Yup, sounds like the Skull Takers to me.

Awards are just something for players to brag over. Ty of course needs no extra bragging rights but these make all of his wild claims seem a little more plausable, though the one where he claims to have taken on 2 Trolls single handedly whilst heading for the endzone seems a little far fetched. Of course Ram’em down is largely at fault for giving the Skull Takers a reputation for hurt and pain delivery unrivalled by any team in the Blood Bowl leagues.

Bye, bye, good luck on your pillaging.

Though the Takers have won 3 tournaments now and continue to impress crowds, media moguls, other teams and coachs alike, some creatures are just not happy. Ro and Mily are a little unsatisfied with being left off the pitch for some many games that they decide to leave the team to return to a life of pilaging, looting and mayhem. Good luck to them.

Ty-Nogors, super mutant. Blessed yet again by the gods we do not speak of, Ty becomes very VERY ugly...like his black heart!

Ty on the other hand only gets better. Now that he is officially a ‘star’ the treacherous masters of chaos gift him with another mutation, this time leaving him with a foul appearance causing other players to retch and look away with disgust. A green cloud of stink and disease follows him around which also causes most of his fans to stay well away from him, though his die hard fans still reamin that…very much dead.

The next tournament, the Joy cup. Though what is so Joyfull about it we have no idea??

And in true chaotic fashion the unexpected and unnatural direction is chosen by Coach TooNu and so he enters the Skull Takers into the Joy cup because Irony is funny and Coach TooNu believes he is a funny guy, funny but very unlucky to have been landed this job in the first place. Will his players appreciate the irony or will they decide to roast him alive for entering them into the Joy cup?

26
Oct
10

Blood Bowl – Hard as Nailz Orcs. Day 3.

Great name, but great team?

The problem with Orc teams is not that they are tough, hard as nails opponents, it’s that they can be extremely dangerous if you give them room to move about. A fast Blitzer can and will make you regret opening up a gap or leaving a flank uncovered. I’ve played many games against Orcs and if their coach has a strong throwing game, or running game then you have to deal with that while dealing with the punishment they can dish out while enduring it at the same time.

So while fighting them is a good tactic, and the Skull Takers are a strong team, you have to be carefull of their scoring game. Coach TooNu, while short and somewhat looking a bit diseased of late has only one plan. To beat the Orc, you have to REALLY beat the Orc….about the head, and lot’s. Thankfully the start of the 3rd day of the Orc Toof Cup started quite badly for the Big Toof Boyz.

Thanks for the extra reroll, now take a large fist to your face and don't get up. His result was DEAD but he used an apothecary and left with a limp instead.

The first half of the match was just brutal. It wasn’t really a match, like most Chaos matches it was a war. A war to see who could get more of the opposition off the field than the other team. A battle of atrition with no player really giving a shit about the ball or the score.

Another player out and another notch on Ram'em Downs horns.

Coach TooNu prefers the sort of game where his players at least attempt at scoring, it makes him feel better knowing that they do actually want to win. “Fighting can be found anywhere”, he says, “We can go pillaging later but just get the damn ball and score a couple of times ok?”. And so a fierce drive up the right side of the pitch was started.

Ram'em Down clears the path.

The drive lasted about 6 turns, Orcs and Chaos meeting each other for power and hurt all the way. And though the ball made some movement up the right side it didn’t really get very far. Much like this well known character…

Varag Ghoul Chewer, starplayer, leaves the pitch. *applause*

And so with a bit of a struggle and a bit more chewing, kicking, spitting, punching and gouging the Orcs wrestle the ball away from The Takers but a bit too late as the Ref calls for half time and both teams return to their dugouts.

Half time, and not before time as both teams need to heal up.

So fighting them at their own game didn’t really work and driving up the field didn’t really work either. Which is a bit strange because normally that sort of play works quite well. Beat them to the floor, keep them their and run the ball up for a touchdown. Coach TooNu’s playbook really only had a few plays in it, and nothing else was really coming together. Maybe now their Star Player left the field along with a couple more Orcs it would work…yes, let’s try that again.

2-0 to the Skull Takers, winning their 3rd match and earning top spot in the league.

And theres the kick off!

Orcs much prefer kicking heads in over balls...well if against human teams kicking balls in is a must.

The Orcs take their time about getting their team together, they don’t look exactly motivated or all to ready for another half of being kicked about. The Skull Takers can feel the tension, almost taste it and get to work fast while they still have the advantage.

Caught off their gaurd, the Orcs lose ground allready.

The Quick snap just made the first turn a little easier. With more players in block range and with more bonuses from fellow players, the Skull Takers start knocking the Orcs down like they were Goblins.

The right side is the chosen path. It's always the right side.

Infact the first few turns couldn’t get any better. Orcs are not really out here to be beaten up, they expect to come out and be stronger and more aggressive but today it just wasn’t working for them. Ty manages to keep ahold of the ball with no interuptions or trouble with tacklezones leaving him free to run straight up and score the first touchdown.

Ty-Nogors makes it look easy, just like all the other times.

Coach TooNu relaxs somewhat, you can’t fully relax around Chaos players that have a tendency to just kill things when excited. He allows himself a little breathing room safe knowing that his team are now 1-0 up. Though it could still go either way, the Orc coaches are known for having some tactics besdies, “Bash der eadz in boyz!”. The kick is delivered to the Bog Toofs and again more rerolls are given out, though no amount of rerolls can prevent an injury if your dice are bad.

Whilst outnumbered, Krushzor puts this Black Orc down.

Though another Orc injury isn’t so bad what was suprising about the kick off was the skill of Ty-Nogors yet again proving he is the best player on the field. A small hole was opened up by Ram’em down and the chaos warrior centre leaving 2 tacklezones for Ty and his 2 heads to navigate through, which he did pretty easily. He was the only player other than the ball carrier in the Orc half that wasn’t currently engaged in fighting.

Ty-Nogor, "creating opportunities with every turn."

Whilst putting the Orc lineman down, his fellow Blitzer was having none of it and managed to barge Ty a little more up the field putting him in another tacklezone. The turns were ticking away and the chance for a 2nd touchdown within 1 single yard was slipping by really fast. Ty’s luck couldn’t hold out for another turn, not with that Blitzer on him. The only option was to create a little room down by the right side and have a chaos warrior run straight at the Blitzer hoping to do some harm. It was a bit of a gamble and depended on many successful dice rolls. The Chaos Warrior made his move and charged full speed up the field.

Ty Nogors, "every yard gained, is a yard earned".

The false gods of whom we do not speak shined down upon the Skull Takers yet again, seemingly impressed with the volume of blood spilled during the match. The block was successful pushing the Blitzer out of the way, and while he did not go down the job was done. Even a charging Chaos Warrior can not always bring down a stubborn Orc. 2 Turns of light fighting later and the match was over.

2-0 to the Skull Takers. Their 3rd win of the season earning them top spot in the league

Safe in their dugouts both teams patch up and refit dislocated joints, wake up unconcious team mates, moan and grumble about losing, or find willing spectators to sacrifice to the nameless heathen gods to keep them on side. Coach TooNu takes a little time to walk around congratulating team members hoping that they won’t tear him limb from limb in celebration. One team member get’s the MVP and nobody can understand why yet again a player who did not even play gets the MVP award.

when offered a stat increase over a skill, it is wise to take the increase as skills are more common.

Those commentators are always making funny selections of MVP awards. Helping to spread the skill points around the team instead of concentrating them on 2-3 players. Ty-Nogors, Krushzor, Ram’em Down and Gnarnogor are all very accomplished players by now but perhaps Coach Toonu should let some of these unknown players take a shot in the next match? hmmm.

24
Oct
10

Blood Bowl – Collectin Gobbo Teef. Day 2

A player on the Skull Takers team approached coach TooNu before the game and grunted something of a request, well, due to his size and strength who would argue with such a player? Well Coach TooNu doesn’t really appreciate being told what to do or when to do it but on this occasion the player did make a strong arguement…lifting your coach up off his feet by your super unnatural horns gives you that edge. And so Ram’em Downs “request” was worked into the plans for the following match.

Goblin Clowns...is there anything truly more evil?

The ‘Alf Pint Punterz coach can at least spend his inducement cash wisely. An extra reroll could be valuable if they can get a Goblin with the ball launched into the air by a Troll successfully, such as their stature allows. Is that play on the cards for the Punterz? We shall have to see.

Kicking in the wrong direction on purpose...it's in the plan of course!

Despite the failed kick off going wide into the Spectator stands, the Goblin coach decided that the best Goblin to take the ball would be one at the front just bheind the pair of Trolls. Having experienced playing against a Goblin team a few times previous, this is not a smart move. A quick block rush and that guy is losing the ball faster than an alzheimers patient losing his keys.

Despite seeing his mates come apart when that giant spiked ball hit them, Laly Tusk challenges the Goblin...who laughs maniacally.

And so the ball bounced around between a few Goblins as one would fall and another would take his place as “grand ball carrier”. Nizwir here was let loose and ruined some SKull Takers along the way. Fanatics can move 3 spaces safely each turn, Up, Down, Left, and Right. They don’t always go where you want them to and anything in their way get’s to make an armor save and is otherwise blocked. If the Fanatic tries to move a 4th or 5th square, then they must make a sprint check, if they fail they get to make an armor save. So, deadly as all hell but unpredictable.

While Nizwir deals pain all by himself, the Skull Takers dish it out to the other Punterz.

Injuring Gobbs is a full time job. They break so easily and it is all too tempting to get an extra block in before doing something safer, like moving or getting back up. The problem is that when you are blokcing and hurting all of the time, you don’t see what can happen. Mr.Greenskin below tookt he liberty of reminding us all that Blood Bowl doesn’t give a shit about you and will make sure the ball bounces into a Goblins hands, who then drops it, only for the ball to land in another Goblins hands who then runs it in for a fast Touchdown.

The celebratory 'dry-hump' dance.

Sometimes they get lucky like this. Mostly though, the games are usually about how many goblins you can hurt during the match.

the skull indicates DEATH, but he rolled for an apothecary and got badly injured instead.

With all of the Goblins falling over and being told they can’t play with a groin strain/broken neck/fractured leg, Ty-Nogors runs in his first touchdown of the match making it 1-1 on the last turn before halftime.

Another Touchdown for the Running Back supremo, Ty-Nogors.

Halftime or “reflecting time” is a period of self thought for coach TooNu. A time where he can take stock of the situation, calculate the possibility of winning and understand his players needs out on the field. If it wasn’t a goblin team, all of that would matter but as it stands the only play to execute was, “smash them puny greenskin stunty runts into the ground and split them apart!”. Poetic right? the second half get’s underway.

Extra rerolls seem to be a speciality of the Punterz playstyle.

Spectators to Blood Bowl matches are constantly wondering how a Goblin could kick a ball down the pitch, that is almost the same height they are. Most put it down to evolution of Goblin legs from being beaten for getting it wrong. Duck and roll they can do naturally, but kick a ball over a Minotaur into the opposing half? Blood bowl – game of miracles.

There is ALWAYS one who doesn't turn up to practice, and ruins the cheer because they don't know the moves.

With the ball firmly in the hands of Ty who this game had no trouble picking the ball up coach TooNu thought back to his conversation with Ram’em Down…and then sweat built up on his forehead as he prayed Ty would do as he said. Not one for sharing the glory the false gods have bestowed on him and him alone, Ty would prove that even a Chaos team can execute a throwing game perfectly.

A perfect throw and a perfect catch gives Ram'em Down his chance!

Ram’em Down had been feeling…down, about his playing of late. Hurting things and smashing bones, causing blood loss and general pain dealing is all fine. Though being on the list of players who scored a touchdown in a game of Blood Bowl would give him the edge over his other larger opponents on centre field. Not normally given the chance due to their incredible bulk and strength potential, the Minotaur player is the last option for a coach to score a touchdown. However, threatening coach TooNu seemed to work and Ram’em had his opportunity now that Ty places the ball expertly into his gigantic hands.

Ok so there you have it, an impressive collection of Injuried Goblins...and it's not even the final.

And while the ball handling (cheeky) was going on, the rest of the Skull Takers were making sure that the Goblin apothecaries were earning their gold and that the false gods were getting their blood qouta for a match. There were far more Goblins off the pitch, than on it by this point.

Ram'em Down, the true the master of the dramatic finish.

Sadly for coach TooNu’s heart condition, Ram’em Down managed to run all the way to the Goblin endzone and then just stopped. He stopped 1 yard from scoring that touchdown he so very much wanted. He stopped and refused to move. the crowd were on their feet screaming at him to take another step but the egotistical Minotaur wouldn’t give any indication that he was going to move. Instead he started right back at the crowd daring them to come and MAKE HIM move. And after 2-3 turns of disagreeing with the spectators and fans alike, he took one small step for the Takers, one Giant leap for Minotaur kind scoring his first touchdown bringing the overall score to 2-1 Skull Takers.

A life's dream fulfilled for this lucky cow.

Minotaurs as it appears, are quite arrogant and self centered but damn usefull and dangerous as spilling a Dwarfs beer.

"The Troll throws the ball...while the Goblin still has it in his hands...OUCH that didn't look like a safe landing to me Jim"

The last few moments of the game were spent kicking severly battered goblins about and making sure the second Troll took an injury roll but not before they tried that last minute desperate plan. Which of course failed as the Goblin while looking promising flying through the air; couldn’t seem to find his feet and instead landed on his face where no amount of rerolls would help him, creating a turnover that would signal the end of the match.

A football match? or a slaughter? The false gods are satisfied with this match.

If the dice had gone the other way, the Goblins might have pulled through with more sneaky touchdowns like their first. A chaos team who is not ontop of his attacking game can lose quite easily to a more prepared, luckier Goblin offence. Though, not today.

Laly Tusk picks up his 2nd MVP award ever, earning him the next level and the Block skill.

Laly Tusk get’s the MVP for insulting the Fanatic so harshly and so much over the first half that the Fanatic, Nizwir, strangled himself with his own ball and chain in an over sealous attempt at flattening the baiting Beastman. Comedy and genius in one play.

And while slightly uncommon to mention the opposing teams MVP, Coach TooNu was interested who might have received the award on the Goblin team. The touch down scorer perhaps? He was the only one who did anything correctly for certain.

HAH! he IS injured.Nizwir gets mentioned here for being a true pain in the ass.

Ah yes, him. Well, I guess he did a good job at the start of the match having single handedly taken the entire right side of the field by himself.

21
Oct
10

Blood Bowl – Dark elf dance. Day 1

Elves of any nature are sneaky, backstabbing, agile and cunning lot. Dark Elves put an emphasis on the backstabbing.

'Bribe the ref' - so they can cheat and I can't? what sort of world is this?

The Pierced Heart Dark Elf team present the 2nd team ever to give coach TooNu the willies. First the Dwarven Anvils who are tough stubbourn little bastards and now a threat that could penetrate the heart of the Skull Takers. Their team members are not weak, they are highly skilled and unlike their woodelf bretheren, they can put up a fight and actively search for fights. It would be a match where words like ‘cautious’ and ‘careful’ would be highly valued as tactics.

"look ma! we're on cable-vision!" - Brandon Axiom, a spectator with dual personality shortly before being eaten by the Troll whose view he was blocking.

Playing in a new stadium was quite nice. Not only to play in a decent stadium for once but to be live on cablevision exposing the power and majesty of the great Skull Takers!…ok so the advertising of the team needs a little work but having the team covered by the major sports channel is bound to pick up a sponsors interest. If the match goes well of course. And by well I mean a chaotic masterpiece of blood letting savegery.

The most picturesque kick-off ever?

The evenings match was underway and the Dark Elves start by assaulting as many Chaos players as possible, while their running back snags the ball and tries to drive it through a blockade of Beastmen. Stupid guy.

A mighty blow for a mighty game.

Ram’em Down was wasting no time, if these pointy ears wanted a fight, then he was more than willing to oblige. The Assassin paid for it by taking a Minotaur High-five to his chest.

Explanation incoming...

As the Dark Elves had the ball Ty-Nogors did the usual, scooping upthe ball up as it rolled across the field. Ducking and doging through the Dark Elf line and breaking out to their half. He didn’t see the Blitzer (even with his second head) and the last thing he remembers before being taken off the pitch was a flash of a foot and then blackness. Gnar decided not to let the Blitzer recover the ball and so put his horns into the blitzers side pushing him off the path of the ball while Scruf picks the ball up and runs it in.

This is a perfect example of everything going right during a recovery play. If Ty had run it in, that would have been better, but as it stood the play couldn’t have worked any better.

Reroll heaven. Soon both teams won't have to worry about bad dice again.

The ball is kicked once again to the Pierced Heart team and the event is rolled. More rerolls.

Pink = Rerolls you have purchased, Green = actual rerolls remaining. (??) I'm certain I'm correct...80%...70% certain.

It is about turn 4 and the Pierced heart are trying to go through the Skull Takers yet again. Don’t they learn? Creulty and pain only get you so far in a game of Blood Bowl, you have to be powerfull to and they seem to lack any real power. The ball gets taken by the rear lineman and they start to blitz the right side of the pitch. The line man runs left revealing the feint, but it doesn’t work..at all. Though impressive because it is one of the few times a great tactic is used by the opponent.

The feint...fails.

Not only does the lineman get stopped HARD again by Gnar but Gnar also gets taken out, his attacker then get’s smashed in the face and leaves the pitch. The ball get’s pickup by Laly Tusk and gets ran in on the last turn of the half. 2 Touchdowns in the first half and both times involved a blitz, a successful recovery and a great run to the endzone.

Turn 8 of half time touchdown. Nice.

A few unlucky blocking dice for the Skull Takers but coach TooNu can’t complain, his team are 2-0 up and it would take a significant play by the Dark Elf team to come back from that. They kick the ball during the second half giving them even less time to recover the ball. The Takers line just needs to hold them back for a few turns giving Ty an opportunity to run it through and up if he can.

The 7 cheerleaders that will bring the downfall of the entire world!

7 deadly sins…7 cheerleaders…7th son of a 7th son…lucky number 7…it’s too much of a coincedence. They will bring the downfall of us all. Back to the second half.

More fighting, more blood, more cracked bones, more violence!

So the chaos warrior there has the ball eh? well as it happens we both know that Blood Bowl throws the dice and doesn’t give a shit where they land. As it so happens, the chaos warrior in question just executed a stunning right hook to the chin of a Pierced Heart witch sending her off with a dose of the ‘oh my god my jaw’. The ball landed in the crook of his left arm, and there it stayed. So Krushzor, for it was he who caught it, kept the glory for himself, or for as long as the forsaken gods would allow.

Another scramble for the ball means more Dark Elves bleed alot.

With the more agile Dark Elves managing to lay down some pretty viscious tacklezones and by some unknown ability to pick the correct Skull Taker to lay out on the pitch with his face covered in his own blood, Krushzor had to barge his way through the net of pointy eared pain givers and head out of the scrimmage as fast as his legs could go. Which is not very fast and not very ballet like.

Krushzor leaves more bloodied bodies in his wake.

It took a few turns to navigate him through the tackle zones, avoiding being blitzed where possible whilst giving him coverage by available beastmen.

A few more concusions just to make sure.

Though they tried and tried, Krushzor was just too strong…not fast like you might expect a ball carrier to be but powerfull enough to knock back any threats. And if that didn’t work, just put a beastman in the way with his horns and make the thing charge like a doped to the eyeballs freight train. Krushzor would run it from the half way line, through Darkelf traps and sneakery all the way to the endzone. For a classic finish and something that was totally unplanned for. Chaos warriors can be awesome running backs…with enough luck and re-rolls on their side.

A Chaos Warrior Touchdown..wonders never cease.

Incidently, chaos warrior touchdown celebrations are a Stinson type of awesome.

Mediocre review but a high scoring match with enough fighting and blood to see the 4 ruinous powers satisfied.

3-0 to the Skull Takers which despite the review should be enough to attract a sponsor in upcoming seasons. The cablevision coverage should be enough to bring more fans to the games and with fans and popularity comes more gold for spending on equipment and extras.

Laly Tusk MVP...again?

Laly Tusk seems to like his new found appreciation from the commentators, though, he doesn’t do a great deal through the matches as he is just another Beastmen with the Block skill, but perhaps he is the next up and coming star? Or will Krushzor fill that spot? Time will tell.

Coach TooNu is starting to think he won’t see the inside of that cooking pot again if the games carry on this way. WIn games, earn money, bribe officials to let fans into the locker room, let the players eat the fans instead. Great idea.

18
Oct
10

Blood Bowl – Aerial cup final.

Goblins! Gobbos! Greenskins!

 

Little "jokes" such as that come up on the pre-match loading screen. Sometimes I am laughing so much I can barely breathe.

 

The last time Da Spitgobz battled against the Skull Takers was in match 2 and it didn’t go too well for them that time so no reason why it won’t go the same way this time around. Perhaps. Blood Bowl tends to throw things at you when you least expect it, ruining plans, teams and general confidence in dice rolling. Though show me a person who is confident in dice rolling and I will show you a bullshitter.

 

STAR PLAYER: Ripper Bolgrot. A nasty troll who won't be easy to deal with.

 

The only benefit the goblin coach takes is a star player who is awesome. While spending over 200,000 gold on one player is quite a gamble over say, taking extra rerolls or doping your players it does provide entertainmetn value and a star player can change the tide in a game. Will Ripper be enough to tip the game for the Goblins?

 

Scrufmulgors, wingman extraordinaire.

 

Scruf’ here is a level 1 beastman. Thus he has no skills nor stat increases and is easily replaceable. Not all of your players can be stars or even usefull, so Scruf’ is a filler player, somebody to plug a gap or replace a player who is concust or injured. However in this match, and infact, in 2 consecutive turns he smashed and KO’d 2 Goblin players causing turnovers on both occasions. Another example of how you can’t predict anything in Blood Bowl.

 

Last chance Goblins fail at stopping the inevitable beastman drive up the field.

 

Playing against a Goblin team gives few options in how to organise your game. Firstly you inevitably have a Trollor Trolls on the field who are stronger than everything else, don’t get injured easily and who require a large portion of your stronger players to distract. Leaving you with fewer players to deal with the Goblins. While weak, the Goblins are sneaky and can run around your players relatively easily and the secret weapons they can bring out are deadly, but clumsy and require attention on their own.

So choosing players with who to make a touchdown drive is quite important. A small cage of 2 Beastman plus the ball carrier was all that could be spared but it was enough, and Da Spitgob Dribblerz got a bit unlucky with the dice, losing 2 more Goblins to injury.

 

Past game concussions gave these Beastmen delusions of Elven play.

 

To gain a little more experience for the players who allready had an injury +2 sp bonus each from silly Goblin luck, a throw and a catch play was tried out, which clearly worked. 1-0 to the Skull Takers and allready the game was easier than first anticipated. Da Spitgoz must have been good at something to have beaten both the Elven team and the Dwarven team in the pre-playoff games, and to win their semi-final match. Bad luck? bad dice? or intervening nameless gods opening more hellish doors for the Takers to walk through? Coach TooNu would take either to be honest, anything to keep him out of the cooking pot.

 

Goblin anger seethes and results in a nasty bit of ankle ambushing and toe biting.

 

The Goblin coach realising his team were now 1-0 down and with several Goblin players out for the half/match pulled out all of the stops entering in all remaining secret weapons…of which their was only one remaining. The most destructive Goblin player type.

 

Chainsaw + leg = hospital.

 

Right away this creator of ambulance driver jobs put a Chaos Warrior out for the game, and the next game. Choosing not to send the 1 shot apothecary out to fix it incase of bigger emergencies later on, the chaos warrior was removed from the game and given a kitten to chew on.

 

Revenge would be had, and this Beastman get's sent off for it.

 

Ripper Bolgrot was proving to be a bigger pain in the ass than thought possible. Several of the players managed to knock him down and the proceeded to stand on him several times. While not injuring him (which was not so suprising) they did give him time to think about why he accepted a contract for a Goblin team such as this. The Goblin coach was not impressed.

 

The kick off suprise!

 

Ty-Nogors fails to pick up the ball? a normally guaranteed moment utterly ruined by the ruinous powers watching over the Skull Takers every moment. The first turn in the first half allready handed over to the Goblins. The Takers centre line’s plans of ruining the Trolls ability to standup straight ruined and they would recieve a beating instead.

 

Redeemed!

 

While the beatings were not so bad, being outnumbered the Trolls had only a push back result on both of their blocking actions. The rest of the goblins being pummled into the rockcrete or running away on some fools errand of mushroom gathering, arena mushrooms fetch a nice price. Ty-Nogors not only managed to pick the ball up he successfully avoid the tacklezones on a Goblin and a Troll as he ran up field. That second head allrady proving to be a “gift” over a “curse”.

 

Not this time you don't.

 

As stated twice in this post, Blood Bowl does things you can’t predict. Here we have a very stupid Goblin, bravery and stupidity being closely related here. Attempting to block a player with a strength value higher than your own requires that you outnumber your opponent to gain +1 modifiers. This little guy didn’t quite understand that and so failed because Coach TooNu gets to pick the block result thus the Goblin hit the rocks and caused a Turnover. Higher strength means you pick the result.

This turnover gives Ty more time to get up the field with little opposition, infact there were ZERO remaining Goblins in the Goblin half until 2 turns later. A not exactly thrilling moment for the game but definetly the clinching Touchdown needed to secure the win.

 

Ty does his best to make it the most dramatic Touchdown of the game but sadly fails. Not even his second brain could think of a better way to score.

 

The field really was underpopulated with greenskins. It was a match that served as a last game of the season ‘whack-a-Gobbo’ for the spectators and people watching at home. Betting shops were running almost even odds on a Skull Takers win but the real money was being placed on the number of injuries during the match.

 

The cooking pot remains empty, as does the field while Coach TooNu takes the time to relax with his 7 cheerleader slaves and a tankard of Bugmans.

 

Had you bet on 4 sendings off, 4 concussions and 4 injuries for the match, you would have won a years supply of Bugmans xxxx and your very own pig. Rumour has it that the pig is where the Blood Bowl tournament balls come from is the official line but really it’s made up of the losing teams coach.

 

The injury box for Da Spitgob Dribblerz. Impressive yes?

 

And so with the match very much over, for some Goblins, over forever, the Skull Takers leave the field with another tournament under their belts and coach TooNu, while very drunk, says he will stay on for another season providing they don’t try to cook and eat him. The players respond by saying they can’t promise on the ‘not cooking’ part.

 

2-0 for the final of the Aerial cup. And that is a large number of injured players for Da Spitgobbz.

 

From the first half and the first couple of turns one entire side of the Skull Takers flank was protected by one single Beastman and thankfully the commentators picked up on this giving him the MVP. Not enough to get him a level up but at least closer than he was. Nice one Scruf!

 

MVP, and most deserving.

 

The actual trophy for the Clean cup along with the new Aerial cup are on display in the chaos wastes the Takers come from. If you are brave, foolish, and don’t care about your health and well being you can go there and take a look for yourself.

 

2 trophies, and room for more. Sadly lacking a Blood Trophy.

 

The individual awards and team awards are handed out again and it looks like the Takers did very well overall. Scoring awards for smashing heads in which is to be expected, intercepting the ball 1 time which was a chaos warrior AGAIN for the second season in a row and various others. All very good.

 

Ty and Ram'em standing out from the others by being pure awesome through the tournament.

 

Next is a pretty great trophy. The Orc-Toof cup. While having been held by the Gouged Eye, the Orcland Raiders, the Chaos All-stars and even the Reikland Raiders, it was a trophy the Skull Takers would REALLY want to get ahold of. Will it be as simple as the first 2? Coach TooNu certainly hopes so.

 

Orc teeth is the currency for the greenskins, so having this cup is worth alot more to them, that is why we can't allow that to happen.

 

15
Oct
10

Blood Bowl – Close matches are the best matches. Semi’s.

The last time the Arrows and the Skull Takers met it didn’t go too well for the Takers. Being beaten quite soundly in the first match and having eaten, regurgitated and resurected coach TooNu all in the same night it would probably be in his best interests to do better this time around. The semi-finals of the Aerial cup are upon us!

Though it looks like they have suffered some losses or haven’t done too well because their team rating is very low in comparison, earning them some inducement cash to spend on more fodder..er players. I don’t think numbers are going to save them against a horde of Beastmen, Chaos warriors and a rampaging Minotaur.

 

That reroll is the only REAL worry. The Skull Takers have 0 rerolls.

 

With both teams making their way onto the pitch the first noticeable difference in their line up are the extra players. Their thrower having died in a game against the Dribblerz in a previous match they now place trust in their catchers and their overall running game. Star of their new lineup includes the Mercenary Treeman, Mightybud and Merc’ Wardancers, Dindia and Daraere. Their regular lineup can’t sustain much more losses one would assume. For now however, coach TooNu only has to worry about how the match will begin…and it begins with a bang!

 

I wanna Rock!!!

 

So a Wardancer takes one in the head and stays down for the first turn. The Kick is made and for once, the kick is actually a good one as Ty-nogors proves once again that he is not a waste of money by placing the ball expertly in the far right corner.

 

Fetch the ball boy, go on, fetch the ball ya pointy eared GIT !

 

The usual tactics soon came out and it was clear to all the spectators which team was going to try and dominate the other. With a large Tree on the field being the only cause of power of worry, and well..it’s a tree for feths sake. An early cruel maneuver put one Elven lineman into the path of charging Minotaur, Ram’em Down, not an ideal situation to be in as a skinny Elf.

 

Always look left, right, then left again before crossing into the path of a charging Minotaur.

 

Despite all the show of strength and toying of Elven people, it did not deter the swiftness or agility of some elves on the Arrows team.

 

The Troll asks the Elf to come closer and "look at dis cool thing I jus found". The Elf does not fall for it...pity.

 

Weaving, passing and dodging very well gives the nimble Arrows a 1-0 advantage which puts coach TooNu 1 step closer to the pot. Losing again to an elf team such as the Arrows who can’t even field their own team properly, would not only be excrutiatingly painfull but finding a willing necromancer to sift through the piles of Beastman droppings for body parts and then that can attach the body parts back correctly is such a hassle. Oh and embarrassing.

Though the kickoff return yeilds an impressive run for the Skull Takers. That extra arm of Ty-Nogors comes in handy when picking up the ball on the first attempt and the pushing drive up the left hand side is just as effective. A huge gap is opened up letting Ty run through un hindered. And with fast blocking skills and down right cheating, the centre field makes short work of the Elven lot, freeing up more beastmen to cover the back field on the Elven half. Over run in the next 2 turns leaving Ty a clear space to run on in just before the half ends.

 

Ty-Nogors, the beastman of the hour.

 

The halftime chat goes rather well. Coach TooNu says that his players must watch the elves and stop them from slipping through. The players think that coach Toonu should do the chat from the bucket of marinade because why waste precious flavouring time? Coach TooNu explains that if they play a bit better, the marinade is the only thing getting wasted. The players agree all except Lord Spine Ripper who, being a lord, doesn’t HAVE to agree to anything if he doesn’t want to. It’s a fair point and the Skull Takers head back out onto the field.

 

A not so nice trick is to block a player so the only way he can go is off the pitch where the fans beat them into unconciousness.

 

Things like this happen  and Elves are still palying Blood Bowl. It’s no wonder the forests are in the state they are in.

With more Elves being kicked and punched and stood on with every passing turn, a 2nd touchdown soon followed with more showing off from the showman of awesome, Ty-Nogors.

 

'Walking it in over a zigzag pattern for no reason'. <-- an actual play from Coach TooNu's playbook of Elven misery.

 

2-1 to the Skull Takers, still sceptical of the ability of his players, coach TooNu looks at the pot and sighs out a little relief. At least things are looking up at the moment.

 

In my head..that screenshot makes perfect sense.

 

With a perfect defense Coach TooNu was able to put his players in the perfect place to counter anything that the so called perfect Elves would do. The Treeman would get blocked by Ram’em, the chaos warrios would tear apart the centre line, the beastmen would cover the flanks and hopefully get the ball back with a quick blitz if a hole opened up…which it would knowing these elves.

Though it doesn’t always go according to plan…

 

The Elves made reservations at 'Cafe' wi-jus pwntjoo.'

 

Nothing says, “you haven’t won yet” quite like a Elven agility demonstration. The Arrows certainly made it look like a gap could be opened up in their defence, but feigning their weakness and taking full advantage of their speed meant they opened up their own gap..in the Skull Takers rear half. With no defence left standing and all other Chaos players focussing on fighting, the Elves just walk another easy touchdown in. Coach TooNu stepped into the bucket of marinade and had a cheerleader massage his flesh to make it tender.

With only a few turns remaining and the game about to reach extra time the kick off is made and the Takers decide that a bit of pain and blood letting is in order. If they win, good, if they lose..well Coach TooNu will be a satisfactory consolation prize.

 

"nnnn !!!" - This wardancers last words.

 

Ram’em Down makes this Wardancer regret her mercenary decision to join the Arrows. Gold isn’t worth the beating that the crowd give her.

While possession of the ball remains in the hands of the Takers, as long as they protect the ball carrier everything should be fine for the coach’s health and well being. And while the chaos boys enjoy a good coach roast, a win tastes even better especially, over tree hugging pointy ears.

 

With a cage of fellow players around, and a few puny Elves to push about, a touch down couldn't be more secure.

 

Extra time finishes and the Arrows are eliminated from the competition. The Skull Takers move to the final and coach Toonu goes for a bath as the marinade really does nothing for his skin.

 

Fewer deaths and fewer injuries than the last match, but the fans liked this match more, why?

 

And for the first time, a Chaos Warrior is MVP. He must have done something right, or the commentators just have a warped sense of humour.

 

What he did to deserve this? Who knows, only the false gods know.

 

What is interesting and pretty awesome about the false gods is that from time to time they “bless” a player with something special. Ty-Nogors had done pretty well and was blessed with an extra arm, this time…Ty recieves an extra head. Two heads are better than one and now he can avoid being hit while dodging out of tacklezones, making him a very dangerous ball handler (sounds dirty).

 

Just missing the extra leg to make shoe shopping 50% more expensive.

 

And so we take the extra mutated Ty to the finals of the Aerial cup where the Takers shall face the Dribblerz, again.

13
Oct
10

Blood Bowl – Don’t hold a grudge. Day 3

 

Oh to be so ultimately badass that while playing you can drink a beer.

 

This match had coach TooNu worried from the very first time he saw the league team roster. First Elves again, then Goblins, now Dwarves. Of all 3 Dwarves are the toughest opponents the Skull Takers could be facing. While not particularly fast, they make up for that by not falling down like the puny Elf race or squashing as easy as Goblins. And they give as good as they get. Troll-Slayers in particular are capable of tearing your largest players limb from limb if you are not carefull. It was to be a war.

Though as we had increased the roster of the Takers by 1, and having won a few matches in the past, the team value was pretty high in comparison to the short beardy guys. This has advantages in that knowing your team has more toys to play around with and is probably more successful and with more cash to spend. It’s disadvantage is that the game tries to even both teams out for the upcoming match by giving the less valued team a cash inducement.

 

Extra players, for free! Dwarves coming up from the ground and all that.

 

It wasn’t too much of a worry, no star players or sneaky crap. Instead they hire an extra Troll slayer. And with that the match begins, both teams setup and the ball is kicked off by the stunty Dwarven runner.

 

5 Cheerleaders are really worth the chance of an extra re-roll, bringing my total of re-rolls to..well..one.

 

 

YELLOW - Death Roller Secret Weapon

 

The last time I saw a Deathroller in a match it managed to all but ruin my plans entirely. Able to knock larger players down and out while avoiding most if not all block attacks. Avoiding this thing would be a priority, hence the setting up of as few on the line as possible AND while taking first turn to further help avoid it. Coach TooNu had a sneaky suspiscion that the Dwarven coach would use it for the first half and deployed his players accordingly.

As it turned out however, the Deathroller was easier to avoid than first thought. Running away from it works but if a player is standing next to it, have them attack a close Dwarf and have him follow the Dwarf on a block or push result to avoid rolling for a tacklezone. This commits the Deathroller to a blitz attack on his next turn or simply moving it forward with no attack.

Avoiding the Deathroller and being faster (and more cunning) than the average Dwarf brought Coach TooNu one step further away from the cooking pot as a 4th turn TD and the game lead gave him cause for relief.

 

A right side blitz pushing Dwarves out of the way and creating tackle zones in the area gave the Beastman Ty-Nogors an easy time of slipping through while using other players to cover his advance for a fast Touchdown.

 

With a new kickoff it meant the ineffectual Dwarven Deathroller was sent off to the sin-bin for the remainder of the match. An unusual sigh of relief could be heard from the front 4 Chaos defensive line…not so much relief but dissapointment in seeing a machine capable of bloddying up the place go to such a waste so early on. The sending off was followed by a kick off event that would have been handy to the Anvils had it come sooner. False gods intervening and proving that yet again blood sacrifices before a match do work.

 

Off you go naughty.

 

The kick was delivered short in the hopes of a fast recovery but a Dwarven Runner did his job and managed to run and run and run and run some more. His beard remains unmolested by cloven hands and feet largely to his amazing running skills while his friends keept him in a short-meat cage. Even Minotaur giant Ram’em Down tried to get through that and failed.

 

Giant Minotaur Vs Small stubborn Dwarf and yet the dwarf remains firm.

 

Dwarves are exactly that, stubborn. Stubborn and heavy obese binge drinking little midgets. Hit one with a building and it will only run at you clipping your testicles with it’s forehead and that is a situation nobody wants to be in. A testament to their stubborn ways comes in the form of the block skill which seemed to be handed out to the players of the Dwarf Anvil’s like abortion leaflets at an inner city school. Every Dwarven team has a “must have BLOCK skill” requirement just like  every inner city school has a creche requirement.

 

Thankfully in knowing about this Block skill fascination many of the Skull Takers first level up is a definite Block skill.

 

Not all Beastmen make it to the second level. Occasionally one of the lesser used members of the Takers team get’s spanked, and spanked hard by a short ginger man with body tatoos and an eye patch.

 

"Visciously assaulted by a small man with a beard you say?...have we been drinking tonight sir"

 

With half-time now upon him and the Injury of the match out of the way (hopefully) coach TooNu took stock of the situation. So far the score was in their favor at 1-0 and their DeathRoller wasn’t coming back out leaving Ram’em Down no equal on the pitch while still having a strong defence in the 3 chaos warriors and handfull of Beastmen with Block. Holding the runty cave diggers back for 8 turns would be a piece of cake. Confidence is not something you would normally associate with a Chaos coach, after all chaos is the name of the game and things don’t always go according to plan..if any plan exists in teh first place. This match though, had similar feelings to the previous match…it was going well.

 

A cloven foot, the best kind of kicking foot.

 

 

"Ya like rocks do ya?!...HAR HAR ya see that eh? eh? I got him square in the beard". Stan McWilligan, Crowd participant, Skull Takers Vs The Dwarf Anvils shortly before his death at the hands of a Troll-Slayer Anvil's fan.

 

With one man down, albeit at the rear of the Anvils line an opportunity for an early ball grab (sounds painfull) gave the Skull Takers the advantage. Ram’em Down opened up the centre allowing Gnar’Nogor free to run in and blitz the ball carrier, more Beastmen poured through the gap splitting the Dwarfs to the right and left.  Ty-Nogor with his extra arm allready running down the far right side to pick the ball up and carry it off to a haven of  beastmen tacklezones, a similar tactic to the one in the first half.

 

Extra arms are handy.

 

With a little flair and pizazz the flamboyant Ty-Nogor runs across the endzone before jumping into and scoring his second touchdown of the match.

 

Showing off and bad sportmanship is encouraged in all chaos leagues.

 

The frequent promises of being eaten alive are what keep the girls of the Skull Takers cheerleader squad motivated to keep their movements not only co-ordinated but spontanious and energetic. A DVD of the workout will be released much sooner than the chains that bind the women to the team’s transport wagon.

 

"ready? ok!...Skull Takers aren't fakers, their not bakers or clock makers..goooo SKull Takers!" - The very first and very much NON-missed rally from the Skull Takers cheerleader squad. They have since improved.

 

And that was all it took. The booze wore off and the grumpy Dwarf stereotype came out in spades. The ease of touchdowns and the frequent ball blundering coupled with the sending off of the USELESS Deathroller, being hit in the head by rocks and terrible cheerleader rallies, was just all too much for the Anvils to bear (rar a bear!) any longer. First the Gigantic and most feared Ram’em Down took a hit to the zeppelin sized kidneys that are housed in his gargantuan frame bringing him down like a sack of Dwarf potatos (heavier than usual).

 

"MOOOOve out the way!!", Spectator chant everytime this happens.

 

Then the rest of the Chaos centre line took a beating…

 

With the cow gone, the rest were soon to follow.

 

The beating down was pretty bad and coach TooNu would have been worried if he actually cared anything for the players that constantly threaten him but the game was allready in the bag. Time was running out for the Anvils and with the ball far back in the Dwarven half and no chance of a Dwarven passing game coming to suddenly burst into existance he was again..confident of the win. The same feeling spread to the rest of the player base of the Skull Takers and a last minute beard bash took place on centre field.

 

Never hit people smaller than you, unless they have a beard and hit your cow.

 

And with the final sending off the game was ended and both teams retreated to their locker rooms to recover. Coach TooNu gave sparse comments when asked about the game, “It’s a great day! I avoid the pot! but yea the game…It was a hard fight but a good one at that, we won and they have beards…I’ll take the win.”

 

The spectators give this match a very poor review but a win is a win.

 

With more gold in the Chaotic pot it was time to fill the roster with one last player. A 2nd Minotaur!!…ok well you can only have one on the team but a 4th Chaos warrior was soon to be found. A distant cousin on Krushzor’s mothers, mothers side if Krushzor’s mother was a 40 foot high demon of light, wings, mouths and feathers. Lord Spine Ripper, though not his real name, came willingly due to being enchanted to obey without question and was eager to join the squad due to effective mind manipulation and sorcery.

 

Lord SPine Ripper likes country music, eating babies, eating puppies, eating kittens, eating ducklings, yo-yo tricks and eating yo-yo's.

 

Now with an even higher team rating, the Skull Takers team is complete and ready for the next set of matches for the chance at winning the Aerial cup.

 

Only 8 photographers were hurt during the taking of this picture.

 




July 2017
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