EvE – Imagination Vs Reality.

DISAPOINTMENT is rarely a word said often by degenerate EvE players. Instead chosen words or phrases such as ,”fuck ass that was lame”, or simply “shite” will do. I believe the most common would be, “fucks sake” but none of these matters when the subject is the same. Dissapointment. We’ve all gotten so used to disapointment that it’s just part of our daily EvE lives. Something going wrong, something about to go wrong, something that has gone wrong and is still causing you trouble, something that hasn’t gone wrong but no doubt will. These are all variables that we must contend with and as such I wonder why we are so suprised when things do indeed go wrong.

This was not my initial thought on the post here though. It was an after thought to something I do often whilst in the shower, and that’s not what you think it might be you dirty person. Ship fitting ideas, cool ways to rob people of their shit which I do all of the time (hello my new corp members if you are reading this, that was put in to make you nervous), and ultimetly I would dream of cool ways to then blog about it like some big cheesey ego centric fuckface. And then reality seeps, it takes my measure, walks backa  few metres, runs in and kicks me square in the bawbag. This is followed by doubt. Doubt that creep in, touch you in your naughty spot and masterbates into your underwear drawer which of course ruins your well dreamed up plans. Your plans of becoming a big space hero and dreams that would make you enjoy this game more. In turn making you want to play more and eventually run a gang that uses your well thought out plans and then you are so awesome that you have the run of a few low sec systems and you are all bad asses and nobody will fight you! … And then the doubts just remove all of that positivity and leave you with the reality. Cold dark space reality

We all do it, you do it to. Perhaps not in the shower, perhaps you do it  on the way to work/school, perhaps while doing the nasty with your boring partner and this is the only way to get you going, or perhaps you do it while taking a Cosbys*, I don’t know where you do it but you DO do it so stop lying to yourself. Here are some hypothetical situations people like you have imagined themselves in versus what really happens to these “dreamers”.

Situation 1.

You’re ideal prey is a lone ratter who has a suitable tank for a few rats but nothing too heavy. So perhaps cruisers and below, prefferably no drone boats. You are going to sit in his system and spend some time there, maybe a couple of days just watching the belts, reading some books or catching up on some TV shows while you do it. You are playing the long hunt, one where the kill is much more sweeter and more satisfying in the end. A kill that if you could, you would hang on your wall so everybody knows how patient you are to achieve your goals.

The ship you have chosen for this has to be sneaky and have tools at its disposal that far outweigh your targets tools. Your system of choice is a fairly quiet area of low sec, known for piracy at times but the locals are suspicious and well practiced in the art of avoiding insurance payouts on their ratting ships. So the long wait begins as you warp to each belt making safespots and warp to spots, cloaked in your perfect Boba Fett emulated craft, the ARAZU!!!! You love Star Wars and you love that being a bounty hunter seems to be like being a pirate, but a space pirate, and having a jet pack and being a total ladies man bad-ass.

Screenshot of an Arazu because I can fly them now. Basically this ship was in better hands with Boba Fett.

Imagination: With your 2 long range points and your sensor damps plus your superior speed and ability to dictate the engagement range, you figure that this guy has no chance at withstanding a fight against you. Hold point at 35km away from his possible point, make sure he can’t lock you with your damps, send your drones out and start shooting with your rail guns!

Reality: Well, he is a Drake so your sub 200 DPS is not going to break his 300 DPS defence. You could sit here and just hold him down until your friend comes by and finishes the job for you but will your cap hold out all of that time? Plus you sat here for the last 2 days, do you really want to let somebody else kill him for you? Don’t bother with this idea, you can’t possibly solo anybody in an Arazu.

Situation 2.

You and your small group of friends talk about EvE more than you play it and it seems that you are all in agreement over a few things. One of these things is that the space battles in Star Wars were awsome and the space battle at the end of Serenity was really awesome, and wouldn’t it be cool if you could be a part of something epic and “huge scale” like those fights. Well you have made friends with the locals and joined in with the Militia to fight off the other militia, a big fleet is formed to destroy the other militias big fleet, you are organised and ready for this.

Imagination: In some ways you have always been ready. You are the captain of your battleship the Cretin Mk.IIand have learned how to be a pilot amongst many other pilots. You listen and you wait and you do as ordred. A good pilot ALWAYS does as he is ordered and as such you all work as one. Like the Borg but less pale and more blinking. You all set up at a gate, the choke point into your patch of systems, and you wait. The enemy take no time in coming forward, they arrive and their number is a bit bigger than yours but not nearly as organised as your fleet who even have some logistics! It’s going to be great! They start to jump into you and the fight is…

In the words of many an uncaring troll: "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWW"

Reality:…over for you. No fighting to be had today I am affraid. Nice try though, perhaps next time you can fight and you can do something usefull and be the hero you always dreamed of. Quite quite often the server decides it can’t handle a fight of 200 pilots and so reduces everybody to a mere standstill and works out what happens when and to whom in the order it was commanded, which with 200 people can be quite a lot of work for the poor old server. It could be the best server in teh entire world, and this would still happen. So forget your large scale fights for now and concentrate on something a bit smaller.

Situation 3.

Probably my favourite situation because it involves no real loss other than perhaps a loss of direction in what you are doing with your game, also because on this small list it’s the most pathetic sounding and quite tragic. While growing up in the region of Lonetrek I would often dream of the ships I might one day get to fly, the ships that by pure description alone made me rush into training up for things that don’t really do much for my game other than take a good month to train. Some of these ships take many months to train up to even be able to sit in, and then of course there is the practical lessons that you need to repeat over and over until you have them just right.

Sadly for EvE however, some of these ships cost a fortune to make, so they cost a fortune to buy and then…well, you don’t do a great deal with them do you?

Your dads weekend car out ready to be unneccasarily polished again and then in the garage at the back is his work car, a Ford or a Fiat or something bland and untasty.

Imagination: To fly the Widow or any Black Op’s to some is the ultimate of awesome. A ship that is designed to travel through enemy lines, and sneak in without being seen, then letting his buddies come in the through the secret back door ready to cause some shit. You think Black Op’s and you think of Ninjas, and commandos and secret missions, spy games and terror tactics. You think of the name..BLACK OP’S and you see yourself as a baddass of space, a danger to everyone around you. Months of training, covert training in secret areas of space from secret organisations. Prototype ships that are not really field tested and really known about in the general populace. You pilot one of these, you have trained to use one of these and right now…you feel awesome.

Something inside you makes you beleive you can sneak up to the toughest of ships, lock it down, shut it down and rip it apart before vanishing. I dreamt that I could scram, web, jam the target so he can’t do shit, launch drones on him, rip him apart with torpedos and a target painter AND keep him cap dry with a large neut and totally ruin his shit up good. Ninja. Covert. Awesome.

And then…

Reality: You leave it in your garage because it can’t do all of those awesome things you wanted it to. Look at it. It sits there next to your gardening equipment when you told the missus you were going to do up the entire garden and instead all the things you bought are just sat by the garage door. The Ski’s you 2 bought together because your firends started ski-ing, so you bought all this ski-ing shit, bought a membership, then went once, “it’s too hard, and cold”, so you quit and now these Ski’s sit by the garage door. All those spare bicycle parts you’ve kept over the years just incase you needed them when you used to cycle to work as part of your keep fit promise you made 8 years ago. All these spare parts just kept in a box next to the garage door. And the training bench you bought from another blokes garage and thought, “bargain! that will help me with my keep fit promise”, and now it’s been 8 years and you want somebody to buy it off you so you can clear somespace from around the garage door.

Not to mention the gigantic Tech two prototype Black Operations Battleship sitting at the back collecting dust.

If it could, if the black ops COULD do everything people want it to then everyone would be finding them in their systems followed by a large group of invaders. Local chat would suddenly fill up in home systems all over EvE without a gate being activated at any point. Everyone would skill up for this thing, everyone would be willing to forgo their T2 large guns training to train the pain in the arse navigation skills you need to V and then it would be chaos. Chaos and ruin would be wrought over the entire game and things would change for the Black Op’s. The price would increase several hundreds over their current price tag of around 500-600 million, and then supply would increase, and the price would drop but only slightly and not by much. Heaven forbid if they ever become usefull. Don’t skill up to use these ships or you risk leaving it unused in the garage rigged and ready but too expensive to use as a generic ship. Oh well the dream was nice while it lasted.

And so with these 3 disapointments spoken about, I feel like I’ve cleansed my gmaing soul a little. I’d like for my gamining ideas of what I think EvE is to become reality one day but I think that after you’ve been kicked a few times, you tend to see the next one coming so disapointment becomes less and less obvious and instead becomes the normal behaviour for what you expected anyway. The circus is never as awesome as the posters make it out to be, and quite often the weather report is very wrong. EvE tends to have other influences such as what the players are actually doing, or, some variable you didn’t plan for in your little dream scenario. With that in mind, it just becomes a game of figuring out all the variables, then deciding what are the likely outcomes and the likely effects of what it is you are about to do, and then going on that course.  Such is life, lot’s of disapointment but without dreams such games could not exist.

(how unneeded was that last paragraph? let me know on 0145-gofuckingdie)

*The Cosbys was a great show and I’ve seen every episode because back home it was on at 18:00 on Fridays and that was just before I would go out so I could watch that and be all wholesome family values before going out being a young rebel arsehole. Sorry did you want to know all of that?


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May 2011
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