Archive for May, 2011


EvE – Welcome… the Legion

Hello and we return to our regular scheduled programming with a nice post about a group of nice people who share their feelings and talk openly about their real life troubles without threat of shame, mockery or humiliation. A group who whilst being very good at playing internet spaceships are also a collective of kindred souls that look out for each other, protect and comfort each other. At times coming forward to a brother in need and saying, “No! it is not right that you judge my fellow space baron here, can’t you see the distress that your choice of words and the tone of your voice have on him?.”

To put it another way, I shall let the great Noel Galagher explain what I mean a little better.

Because we need each other
We believe in one another
And I know we’re going to uncover
What’s sleepin’ in our soul
Because we need each other
We believe in one another
I know we’re going to uncover
What’s sleepin’ in our soul
What’s sleepin’ in our soul

Some call them “A space blight!” others call them “A disease worse than Obesity” *, whilst others call them “Helpful, just like Oprah“, “Friendly and caring“, and “A group of mild mannered Ladies and Gentlemen“. Whatever you call them makes no difference, you have heard of Pandemic Legion and you know of their reputation.

New corp and a new alliance. Shit just got real.

My friend the German had been nagging me about joining his new corp BDCI for some time. Well, he asked me to at least apply and see how it goes anyway. And rather than get into exactly why and how that came about, it’s easier to say that through him and another old friend the decision was made to try and change my game from a P.I. + trading slog to a game where fighting and PvP are pushed to 11. And so I am currently a TRIAL member of Body Count.Inc until they kick me out.

That intro was a little bit like The Little House on the Prarie wasn’t it? I just tried to make PL’s image as one of caring, sharing, and friendship but instead I think I need to step away from that fantasy before I start believing it. CUNTCUNTHORSECOCKSHITFUCKITYFUCKFUCK ok that’s a bit more on track and I have purged my soul of the “nice” feelings.

Honestly, the PL guys have nothing but good things to say and are generally nice people you would want to have at your wedding/birth of your first child/every family christmas/funeral of your favourite relative/watching you on a webcam while you masterbate to anime.

I was told that the voice comms ticker for members of BDCI when they joined PL was (PLZ LEAVE) or something like that, (GTFO) (FUKOFF) that sort of thing. Then, I’ve also been told that’s a warm welcome. It’s since been changed to (BDCI). Either way, PL dislike BDCI and they like BDCI. Only through fighting and X’ing up and being awesome can we win over their affections. Or perhaps take them out for a movie followed by dinner and perhaps some drinks afterwards…then…who knows what will happen. At some point BDCI we’re offered some friendly advice.

Re-warn your guys.

About half the people in PL are going to absolutely HATE them until they prove their worth. It’s not going to be easy.

And so proving their worth was what the members of BDCI started to do. By fleeting up and helping out, all of the time. Except me, I joined late in to this party and when I did, I had about a weeks worth of waiting around ship spinning.

Avatar, not just a really shit movie about hippies defeating superior technology and machinery with bows and arrows.

After that week of waiting around being sniffed, prodded, stared at for hours on end to see if I am real or a ghost in the fog, I was finally able to join op’s and talk to my fellow space barons on their voice communication software choice and write on their internet forums. It took a week because I was told the guy who was to organise that was being drunk for a few days so just to be patient. Though after all of this waiting my first op’ was a gooooood one. And it looked cool. But I won’t talk about it in any specific terms so here’s an explanation I can manage. BOOM! PEW PEW PEW PEW BOOOOSH! BANG!! BOOM! PEW PEW PEW PEW!! BOOOOSH!! KILLMAILKILLMAILKILLMAIL etc etc etc.

Like a briiiidge over troubled water..

The way around 0.0 I’ve noticed is to stick your hand up in the air and let a Titan jump you where ever you need to go. It’s much like hailing a cab in a major city though less risk of being ripped off but MORE risk of abuse. I’ve taken many screenshots of this public transport approach to EvE and considered making an entire thread about it, I might still do that…no I probably won’t be doing that.

PL titans don't just turn up and ruin your shit, they make sure to form crucifixes so you can't come back from the dead and suck some more. OMFG SUCK SOME MORE! Did you get it? HAR HAR HAR

To be fair to that screeny though, those are not PL titans. They are somebody elses, I forget who owns those titans and I don’t really mind/care who owns those titans. All I know is that this was the first time more than 2 titans were in one place and I was present. That means I have seen more titans in one single place than I have seen black ops in one place. Which is indeed ridiculous and should be fixed straight away, CCP get on it, and fix lag, and where’s those turrent models eh? and how’s about you fix lag?

The PL mom's always have our backs. Cheering us on at football practice, telling us that we were the best one in the play, and doing amateur porn for the extra cash to pay for your prom-dress.

Scenes that look like this one are not uncommon for 0.0 warfare these days so I am told. So many supercapital ships in one place, and to know that a big blob can destroy these things in very quick order is quite scary. A battleship fleet of 100 can melt them down at a fraction of the cost. Maybe that’s not entire accurate but the point is, billions and billions on one ship that dies to things that are in total 1/10th of the cost. It’s a bit weird to proccess that but I am sure I will get used to it. Again, I have seen supercapitals than I have seen Black Op’s. Is it because Black Op’s are always so covert you just don’t know they are out there? Is the Black Op’s a myth?

Space, the final frontier, these are the voyages of the starship Trololol, and it's continuing mission, to seek out new innapropriate remarks and combine them to form insults never thought possible.

This blob of logistics is some other guys, I don’t know who they are but their logistics chain was quite nice, it made the night sky look pretty. And then the Federation symbol came out and right then I just knew, that somehow Picard is watching out for us all.

All of this is pretty cool and new and exciting for my EvE game. Big shiny ships, actual organised op’s, other cool shit and actually being back with some old friends for however long that may be right now, is awesome and definetly worth my subscription. If everybody had interesting things to do and friends around them then more people would be doing more cool things and enjoying themselves, is what I think anyway. Also what is more interesting is that since joining BDCI as a trial member, the amount of swearing I do has increased by 12% which places me with border line tourettes syndrome.


*PFFFF Obesity is a “disease” HAHAHA NO! you are fat, you eat too much and are lazy. Your input is WAY larger than your output, for a few months maybe reverse that and start welcoming your eyes back to the sight of your penis/knees long since hidden by your enormous belly. Stop making excuses, eat properly, excercise, problem solved.


EvE – e-honour.

(A non-revolutionary post but quite fun so relax πŸ™‚ )

This is a bit of an odd one that came to me while reading a book where one character was pissed off at another character because he GTFO’d and saved his men in the process. The pissed off guy was swearing blind at the lack of honour and his disbelief that the other guy would choose to run away. And of course EvE online crept into my head and I realised that that sort of thing happens all the god damn time. E-honour I think is something that people use as a defence as no other recourse exists when you’ve been wtfbbqd by superior numbers or just plain old dishonourable playing.

Is it really dishonourable though? Whatever happend in this made up fantasy situation, was it against some unwritten code of conduct between players or is it just whining and crying? I think that in every given situation in EvE you always have a loser and a winner, 100% of the time. Unless you are docked, in which case you are not part of this hand and are sitting out while the game unfolds. Actually being docked is the only time in EvE you can consider yourself not part of anything except your corp/alliance. Unless your docking is a bluff, a lure for attracting station campers into a false sense of security while your boys jump in and finger them up the bum*.

Here’s a few examples of E-honour gone wrong.

– 0.1 ISKing on the market isn’t exactly honourable as you are just being a bitchy little twat with your cheap undercutting. Unless you are seriously trading and love to micro-manage this sort of thing, the 0.1 ISK’s only add up after a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG fucking time.

– Agreeing to a 1v1 PVP fight at a planet or something, and then having your friends jump in and ruin his shit is also dishonourable and is likely to have you OMFG blacklisted on some dueling circuit.

– Stealing from corp hangars because you can is dishonourable. Let’s just put stealing corp/alliance assests in here to.

– Using neutral remote reppers is the classic case of dishonourability.

– Scamming people out of their ISK is dishonourable.

– Fighting some group and having friends jump in to bail you out, or having an outside wing on a standby jump bridge incase things go wrong is also dishonourable.

Though there are many such evil dispicable, dishonourable things, all of them are only deemed dishonourable to the people being affected by it. Otherwise they are good tactics to getting ahead in a game as cut throat and hostile as this. It’s like, the universe is so fucking huge and complex, that policing it would just be a disaster, and so catching villians and people of disrepute is just a task that can not be done. So to protect ourselves we rely on word of mouth, references from previous corp members, forum threads of tears and of course the rumour mill. It would be unwise of you to trust such people with similar responsibilities if you knew they had previous convictions for corp theft for example. And you don’t 1v1 a pilot you know that has gone back on his word in previous engagements. It’s common sense to protect ourselves against this sort of shit by being overly suspicious of everything, accusing everyone of spying and doing all the work yourself because then nobody can steal shit. And then we have no trust in game.

So why do these things and why be concerned about these things?

Nothing says embarrassing quite like the inept thief.

The easiest part of this conversation is the ‘why do these things?’ part because people do them for profit, to increase their personal wealth, to increase their killboard statistics, to increase anything positive about their character and to grow it as fast and as easy as possible. Oh and some do it purely for the lol’s, we call these people drooling slope headed mutant twats, or simply, trolls.

‘Why be so concerned with e-honour?’ Is the tricky part. I believe that most people try to be good and to be constructive and positive so that good things happen for the greater good. The people mining during their game time so that their corp can build toys for its members to use are being constructive and helpfull. The guys hauling for their corp so that his corp mates have an easier time moving home systems do it because it makes everyones life easier in the long run. So when these good people suffer at the hands of people intent on having their fun at the good peoples expense, they see only the terrible things done to them. And how it all seems unfair. And then it feels as if that breach in the unwritten rule has appeared again.

When a corp war decs you and you decide that you will fight them, all your members are organised and kept aware of intel and who the war targets are. And then the smack talk starts in local chat. 1 or 2 of them have very big mouths, their insults are not even clever and their English is very bad, but they insist on just being childish pricks. At some point during this you and your people undock and trap 1 of them at a gate and start shooting the shite out of him. Then his remote rep friend from another corp turns up and then so do his corp mates who were not even online a minute ago and your guys start to drop off, and you are making no progress on killing even one of them and so you run off and then the smack talk starts back up. They are pissed that you ran away!

That’s possibly the most annoying case of e-honour. Where you are the victims of an ambush and a dirty tactic, so you run away to preserve the remainder of your ships and they get pissed because you ran off. Then they smack talk about you in local! they feel pissed because aparently their unavoidable (or rather eventual) tactic should have killed more of you while preserving their ships like it did. How dare you run off!? E-Honour just causes ulcers on both sides in that case. If the ones that do care about e-honour would just stop caring, things would be much simpler. It would just be your strategy and tactics vs theirs.

I’d say doing whatever you can to increase your charactes position in the game is generally a good thing, but perhaps you don’t need to cheat or lie your way there and you can still have fun.

Though with that said, being a double-crossing bastard and somebody of illrepute is a viable profession in EvE online and I imagine that some people find it fun to do. Personally I think it’s more fun to think you are a mean spirited badass while not actual being one, this doesn’t mean lying to youself and then crying about your inadequacies as you lie in bed. Let’s use Star Wars as an example of what I mean. Han Solo likes to think of himself as a rogue, but he comes back to save Luke doesn’t he? he sticks around to help Leia to get of Hoth instead of paying Jabba the money he owes to save his own skin aswell. Slimy little Greedo tries to be a selfish prick, and look what that got him. Same with Boba Fett, even though he was more professional than Greedo and way cooler. He still gets owned though, you’ve seen Jedi right? ok let’s not talk about it anymore.

So e-honour. As long as you do things correctly and think things through, you won’t need the E-honour excuse to defend your inability to get something done, or as a defence against people doing said things to you. E-Honour would just be something that gets in the way of the actual goal, which is to not die or lose your assests. essentially every player in EvE has that one single unifying factor. nobody wants to lose their shit to other people, especially smack talking epeeners. Also avoid looking like a bungling fool, making EvE-o threads about your 40 million ISK heist or that one time you were giving intel away for free and helped cause some dude to lose a ship nobody gives 2 shits about. Be cool and calculated, professional and ego-less and infamy will soon come.

I doubt this model is really worrying about this guy having his directors rolls removed. She looks like she is wondering how she can sleep standing up in bed like that.

*While it’s on my brain here is how to do that correctly.

– Go to any system known for station games in low sec and take a cruiser with a reasonable tank. Keep extra tanking modules in the cargohold and have with you a long and a short point (that’s a Warp disruptor and a Warp Scrambler).

– Find the system and dock up, perhaps buy something on route, something small and inexpensive to make it look like that’s why you are there.

– If you see people undock before you, that’s a good sign. You want to undock and then don’t touch a damn thing. They will try to lock you and start shooting. You need to dock up. Do this process again after like 2 minutes or so.

– Refit your ship with your modules in the hold and wait another 2 minutes or so. Undock and make like you are trying to warp off. They will lock, point and shoot you.

– Then the excitment begins and you put your points on them and cycle your guns. The scram on something that is using an MWD; the long point on something else and then, hopefully, your tank is strong enough to resist their DPS while your friends jump into system and fuck their shit up. If you have a spare high slot for a cyno, and you can cyno in some recons or stealth bomber support I guess, but keeping your friends 1-2 jumps out and have them manually warp also works.

– Oh and structure tank like a hero! and have expensive module sin your cargohold just incase you die, you can reward your killers πŸ˜€


EvE – Thinking WTF to write about internet spaceships.

What hasn’t been said about EvE online, “that hasn’t been said a thousand times before?”. Even ending that sentence with a cliche left a gut wrenching pain, I might need to visit a health profesional.

Some writers have covered the game so brilliantly that finding new ways to think of your game can be quite stressfull. There is only so much back patting that can go on for a game as great as EvE but still I find that the awesome mechanics we are given to play with can be so hugely in your face that you miss them, or horribly hidden so that you miss them. Subtle ideas, psychology and ideas are hidden behind a layer of blatant sci-fi settings, spaceships, drama and visuals. though foccusing on one specific thing without trailing off onto other subjects can be quite hard to write about at times.

If you look at CK’s blog roll you can find hundreds of blogs dedicated to EvE online on all manner of subjects, and personal accounts of gameplay. This huge list is more than enough for the world to keep it occupied with EvE online for a very long time leaving very little room for any more typing and reading. these blogs and web articles serve more types of people than I could list. Though I want to give that a shot so let’s get a “in no particular order” list going.

Those people would be interested in: EvE online, Multiplayer games, Internet games, Sci-fi games and Sci-fi in general, Online social groups and social networking, Online markets within online games, Roleplaying within a sci-fi universe, social forums and websites forming large groups within games, MMO hardware, MMO software, MMO data, MMO currency, spreadsheets of ingame data, “new school” business meetings, education within MMO’s, adventure/exploration games, empire creating, spying and subterfuge, online romance, space barons, care bears and forum trolling.

All of those people can find what they are looking for within the hundreds of thousands of allready written words from bloggers, games websites, journalists, authors and various internet media, all about EvE online. So what’s left?

Messy shoes.

When I start to think about EvE online in blog terms I get my brain using the same routines, imagining about things I’d like to do, or have heard about. Things I know are NEVER going to happen and not because I don’t believe they will, thus they won’t, but because they simply don’t exist in EvE yet. Movies often help with my imagery. Movies like Blade Runner where you could be sat at a noodle bar talking Chinese living in some neo-city wearing a trenchcoat and just trying to get by. Movies like Alien where you are a crew member aboard a Weyland-Yutani deep space vessel travelling for years and years. Or a good TV show like Firefly, where a…well you all know how awesome Firefly was. I’ll think of these things, stick them in a mixer, set it to full power and wait until something good comes out. Usually you can spot the fake good ideas quickly because a little prick jumps in the way and says something helpfull like, “Fuckface, that’s been written about a hundred times allready”, or “Yes thats a good idea but she’s allready done that and did it better than you”. And then I get depressive and slighty anxious, sweaty palmed and then I develop an eating disorder.

After I have some good inspiration in my head I then try to use those same thoughts and apply them to EvE. And then I realise that what I want to write about came from my first idea and that idea was about character, or rather a REAL body to my current character and then I think about Incarna and then BAM! I’m on to something. And so now I can write a little about my thoughts on the subject of Incarna and I can get excited about things like Incarna because it adds another layer to our allready impressive game. So here we go.

Agreeing to 2 different camps is quite the normal behaviour so while I can agree with the people who say CCP should focus on their current game and get that perfected first. I agree more with the people who are interested/open minded to the possibilitys of what Incarna will bring to EvE online. Despite the obvious benefits of more players coming to our game, injecting new life to an old crusty gaurd that is quite content in sitting sweaty and piss ridden, while the rest of us like fresh things and new experiences. Basically, I am looking forward to more game. More game that let’s us possibly pretend that we are Decker or Hicks or Jayne from our favourite movies. The point being that having an avatar gives us more choice for a good Sci-Fi game that does not allready reside in Star Wars, Star Trek or some other well known franchise.

EvE would be our own Sci-Fi universe finally. Nobody can relate to the stories of a spaceship, this is not the little train that could. Our spaceships do not have personalities as such, mainly because my Drake looks like your Drake looks like his Drake and so on. We could have as dark and gritty as a noir piece as we wanted in some systems/stations or as bright and visually stunning as a Summer blockbuster in others. Providing of course that they don’t just implement it and then leave it to die like most other expansions, right? Right?

And I guess back to my original point. Having a body and something you can relate to gives us more opportunity to write in a way that feels more rounded. You have a body, the body connects to the ship, then you are the ship. It’s very Manga almost. Large robot suits stomping around destroying shit, then the hatch opens up and it’s some kid wearing odd clothing and having a weird cuddly toy/cute animal in the co-pilots chair. Except that in EvE it would be a Battleship the size of a town docking into a station, a pod being transfered to some living hab, the pod goo being flushed out leaving a naked podder in much need of a shower and a drink. People still manage to find personality in the robot suit, but the character underneath is what people are usually drawn to. In EvE we would have more of a ‘life’ instead of just a series of ships one after another.

The future of our game.

Of course not everyone is going to see possitivity in this, and I do hope that these people do not have to have their EvE interupted by arms, legs, clothing, bars, endless hat shopping and cyber-hound walking.

Like good coffee or Tea*, you need a good blend of flavours. Right now all we got is Strawberry and Vanilla. And people want chocolate, kiwi, rainbow, Orange, cola, cookies, liqourice, tomato and __________ (a space for your favourite flavour, go and grab a pen and write it on). It doesn’t really look that way to the people who are fine with their strawberry and vanilla EvE but more choice is always a good thing. Keep the core simple, but give options so at least you have the illusion of choice to some degree. SUPER HYPER METAPHOR TIME!!!!!!!! A Milkshake is still milk, or cream and milk, and you just add a flavour to it. Over complicating it with bits and fruit, and fucking candy and shit just distracts you from what is meant to be a simple pleasure. Change the flavour a little every time and it becomes a bit more interesting and fresh every time, just not complicated.

In lot’s of games you can customise your character in someway, but it is still essentially the same character as everyone else’s. Being able to dock in EvE and have the choice to leave your ship, walk around the station and just hang out is going to be a good thing. It’s going to create good stories and good gameplay and good ideas from this initial stage. Probably.

*Notice how I made the T in Tea upper case, and the c in coffee a lower case? That’s because coffee is not as awesome as Tea.


EvE – The Validus.

The Validus was a ship I had and then lost in the worst possible way. I wrote about it many moons ago HERE but for those disinclined to read about it in great detail (again in some cases) I will simply link the lossmail from Battleclinic HERE. It was my favourite ship. The first ever T3 that I bought, the first ever ship that I dared go out for proper solo PVP (As opposed to shitty T1 frigate pvp), it was the shipI just sat in cloaked up in my wormhole, the ship I scouted for militia fleets, used as a bit of bait on gate camps for militia fleets and above all it was the first ship that friends in game knew by name. It was with me for about a year which is a long life for an offensive means ship. So by all of these criteria, it was a very special ship and then it was lost in a moment of stupidity.

Why am I bringing this up again? “Because TooNu you are like Martin Riggs who couldn’t let go of his wife who died in a tragic car accident”, no that’s not why at all silly reader. I bring it up because The Validus lives again! (Now you are supposed to imagine you can hear trumpets playing, and large crowds have gathered around and are cheering and screaming in joy, babies are being held up by their mothers to witness the event and everyone has been having parties and oh it’s been so much fun and you are right there amongst the fun and the merryment. Look you are on the stage with the other important people and you are wearing a nice crown and your clothing looks awesome.)

Such a pretty ship.

Look at how awesome that ship looks! Isn’t it a marvel of engineering and design? Wow, what a ship!

I think since my first blogging days I said I wanted one of these Nidhoggurs and so recently I bought one. Oh how my ingame friends laughed, “Oh ha ha ha ha, waht a silly buffoon you are to waste your skill points and ISK on a ship like that.” they would say, “Waht are you going to use it for? POS repping? ha ha ha ha”, they would mock and I would reply, “Learn how to spell WHAT you fucking crouton turd”. Well while these “people” (and I use the term “people” loosly here when regarding my ingame friends) are busy with their Asterix and Obelix nosed Thanatos and Stupid, flat, crab missing a few legs Archon, I will be sitting my sexier ship being all sexy and grand looking. Like an awesome pioneer of style and trendyness that they can not hope to contend with. The only Carrier that comes close is the Chimera, and I own one of those aswell so I got all the bases covered here.

Why a Nidhoggur? Well it needs Minmatar Battleship V for a start and the current flavour of the month for battleships is Minmatar Maelstroms so that’s a handy skill to have. Though more importantly I think the Nidhoggur is going to get a revamp and I will allready own one! Making this a smart purchase decision! No really I did just skill up for it because I like the look of it, and I am 100% serious on that. I used some of my Learning skill points and just learned Minmatar battleship V so I didn’t so much as waste a month on training it to look this awesome.

Minmatar ships are the coolest. All the bad boys of EvE fly Minmatar ships of some flavour and everyone knows that the Rifter makes for the best learning craft for PVP. The trend just keeps going through out the other ship classes. The Thrasher is the best Militia ship for plexing/small gang fights. The Rupture makes for a powerfull pain in the ass pain-smith in any gang. The Hurricane is vicious carnage and facemelting incarnate. The Maelstrom and Tempest have MASSIVE Alpha-strikes. The Typhoon is a burly wrestling Bluto type of ship. The Naglfar “is freaking vertical!”. And the Nidhoggur/Hel are just great looking chick magnets with huge open maws spewing out fighters and drones. (See that’s like the sperm right? so it’s like, girls see your long ship firing out these active healthy fast moving fighters from your open maw which is like the tip of your penis and then they think, “oh, he’s quite a healthy one, perhaps I’ll go and get acquainted with him and see if he’s got as much energy as I think he has”. You fucking idiots and your Thanawankers and Arcunt carriers, go away and bury your heads in your hands for the shame you’ve caused yourselves. You’ve missed the chick magnet bus, now away you go.)

Basically It’s a perfect looking sci-fi ship and I can’t find flaws in how it looks at all. AND NEITHER CAN ANY OF YOU.

To get back on track though. I really liked the name Validus aswell. It’s from a book, so it’s not my creation but it’s a great name and I wanted to use it again. I didn’t want to lose another ship with the name Validus though and so I named my new Nidhoggur Validus IIbecause I don’t plan on losing this one becuase it’s not a PvP boat. “WHAT?!”. Here is the Validus II current fitting* and the 2nd reason why I bought it.

No, your eyes do not decieve you. It is indeed cap stable.

After selling my alt for much ISK I wanted a better way to do some logistics around low-sec and this was my solution. It’s incredibly boring to move 10k of stuff in the back of a Viator 15 jumps one way, and then 15 jumps back as many times as required. With this Nidhoggur I can get 10k m3 in the corp hangar and then a whopping 5,520 m3 in the cargohold! /HIGH FIVE.

Ok so it’s not exactly great or in any way seriously usefull. It was cheaper than keeping my alt and buying a jump frieghter though, and getting my stuff into and out of 0.0 has never been easier. Just a well placed Cyno alt here and there, and no problem. With this ship I was able to get all of my crap out of Fountain in 2 trips, while hauling in more ships and ammo for friends in Draketrain. (I charge fuel cost only! a smile costs YOU extra though). Then moved all my shit to somewhere else with my new friends in Body Count.Inc. I am a lucky person.

I figure I’ll keep this ship for a long time and possibly lose it to betrayal only. Damn those betrayers!

*I can if required, give you the fit ingame, it is saved with a limited edition civillian Hobgoblin in the drone bay. If you would like this fit just mail me in game and I will link it to you. Unless you have your CSPA charges on, in which case good luck getting any ISK out of my grippit hauns!


EvE – Imagination Vs Reality.

DISAPOINTMENT is rarely a word said often by degenerate EvE players. Instead chosen words or phrases such as ,”fuck ass that was lame”, or simply “shite” will do. I believe the most common would be, “fucks sake” but none of these matters when the subject is the same. Dissapointment. We’ve all gotten so used to disapointment that it’s just part of our daily EvE lives. Something going wrong, something about to go wrong, something that has gone wrong and is still causing you trouble, something that hasn’t gone wrong but no doubt will. These are all variables that we must contend with and as such I wonder why we are so suprised when things do indeed go wrong.

This was not my initial thought on the post here though. It was an after thought to something I do often whilst in the shower, and that’s not what you think it might be you dirty person. Ship fitting ideas, cool ways to rob people of their shit which I do all of the time (hello my new corp members if you are reading this, that was put in to make you nervous), and ultimetly I would dream of cool ways to then blog about it like some big cheesey ego centric fuckface. And then reality seeps, it takes my measure, walks backaΒ  few metres, runs in and kicks me square in the bawbag. This is followed by doubt. Doubt that creep in, touch you in your naughty spot and masterbates into your underwear drawer which of course ruins your well dreamed up plans. Your plans of becoming a big space hero and dreams that would make you enjoy this game more. In turn making you want to play more and eventually run a gang that uses your well thought out plans and then you are so awesome that you have the run of a few low sec systems and you are all bad asses and nobody will fight you! … And then the doubts just remove all of that positivity and leave you with the reality. Cold dark space reality

We all do it, you do it to. Perhaps not in the shower, perhaps you do itΒ  on the way to work/school, perhaps while doing the nasty with your boring partner and this is the only way to get you going, or perhaps you do it while taking a Cosbys*, I don’t know where you do it but you DO do it so stop lying to yourself. Here are some hypothetical situations people like you have imagined themselves in versus what really happens to these “dreamers”.

Situation 1.

You’re ideal prey is a lone ratter who has a suitable tank for a few rats but nothing too heavy. So perhaps cruisers and below, prefferably no drone boats. You are going to sit in his system and spend some time there, maybe a couple of days just watching the belts, reading some books or catching up on some TV shows while you do it. You are playing the long hunt, one where the kill is much more sweeter and more satisfying in the end. A kill that if you could, you would hang on your wall so everybody knows how patient you are to achieve your goals.

The ship you have chosen for this has to be sneaky and have tools at its disposal that far outweigh your targets tools. Your system of choice is a fairly quiet area of low sec, known for piracy at times but the locals are suspicious and well practiced in the art of avoiding insurance payouts on their ratting ships. So the long wait begins as you warp to each belt making safespots and warp to spots, cloaked in your perfect Boba Fett emulated craft, the ARAZU!!!! You love Star Wars and you love that being a bounty hunter seems to be like being a pirate, but a space pirate, and having a jet pack and being a total ladies man bad-ass.

Screenshot of an Arazu because I can fly them now. Basically this ship was in better hands with Boba Fett.

Imagination: With your 2 long range points and your sensor damps plus your superior speed and ability to dictate the engagement range, you figure that this guy has no chance at withstanding a fight against you. Hold point at 35km away from his possible point, make sure he can’t lock you with your damps, send your drones out and start shooting with your rail guns!

Reality: Well, he is a Drake so your sub 200 DPS is not going to break his 300 DPS defence. You could sit here and just hold him down until your friend comes by and finishes the job for you but will your cap hold out all of that time? Plus you sat here for the last 2 days, do you really want to let somebody else kill him for you? Don’t bother with this idea, you can’t possibly solo anybody in an Arazu.

Situation 2.

You and your small group of friends talk about EvE more than you play it and it seems that you are all in agreement over a few things. One of these things is that the space battles in Star Wars were awsome and the space battle at the end of Serenity was really awesome, and wouldn’t it be cool if you could be a part of something epic and “huge scale” like those fights. Well you have made friends with the locals and joined in with the Militia to fight off the other militia, a big fleet is formed to destroy the other militias big fleet, you are organised and ready for this.

Imagination: In some ways you have always been ready. You are the captain of your battleship the Cretin Mk.IIand have learned how to be a pilot amongst many other pilots. You listen and you wait and you do as ordred. A good pilot ALWAYS does as he is ordered and as such you all work as one. Like the Borg but less pale and more blinking. You all set up at a gate, the choke point into your patch of systems, and you wait. The enemy take no time in coming forward, they arrive and their number is a bit bigger than yours but not nearly as organised as your fleet who even have some logistics! It’s going to be great! They start to jump into you and the fight is…

In the words of many an uncaring troll: "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWW"

Reality:…over for you. No fighting to be had today I am affraid. Nice try though, perhaps next time you can fight and you can do something usefull and be the hero you always dreamed of. Quite quite often the server decides it can’t handle a fight of 200 pilots and so reduces everybody to a mere standstill and works out what happens when and to whom in the order it was commanded, which with 200 people can be quite a lot of work for the poor old server. It could be the best server in teh entire world, and this would still happen. So forget your large scale fights for now and concentrate on something a bit smaller.

Situation 3.

Probably my favourite situation because it involves no real loss other than perhaps a loss of direction in what you are doing with your game, also because on this small list it’s the most pathetic sounding and quite tragic. While growing up in the region of Lonetrek I would often dream of the ships I might one day get to fly, the ships that by pure description alone made me rush into training up for things that don’t really do much for my game other than take a good month to train. Some of these ships take many months to train up to even be able to sit in, and then of course there is the practical lessons that you need to repeat over and over until you have them just right.

Sadly for EvE however, some of these ships cost a fortune to make, so they cost a fortune to buy and then…well, you don’t do a great deal with them do you?

Your dads weekend car out ready to be unneccasarily polished again and then in the garage at the back is his work car, a Ford or a Fiat or something bland and untasty.

Imagination: To fly the Widow or any Black Op’s to some is the ultimate of awesome. A ship that is designed to travel through enemy lines, and sneak in without being seen, then letting his buddies come in the through the secret back door ready to cause some shit. You think Black Op’s and you think of Ninjas, and commandos and secret missions, spy games and terror tactics. You think of the name..BLACK OP’S and you see yourself as a baddass of space, a danger to everyone around you. Months of training, covert training in secret areas of space from secret organisations. Prototype ships that are not really field tested and really known about in the general populace. You pilot one of these, you have trained to use one of these and right now…you feel awesome.

Something inside you makes you beleive you can sneak up to the toughest of ships, lock it down, shut it down and rip it apart before vanishing. I dreamt that I could scram, web, jam the target so he can’t do shit, launch drones on him, rip him apart with torpedos and a target painter AND keep him cap dry with a large neut and totally ruin his shit up good. Ninja. Covert. Awesome.

And then…

Reality: You leave it in your garage because it can’t do all of those awesome things you wanted it to. Look at it. It sits there next to your gardening equipment when you told the missus you were going to do up the entire garden and instead all the things you bought are just sat by the garage door. The Ski’s you 2 bought together because your firends started ski-ing, so you bought all this ski-ing shit, bought a membership, then went once, “it’s too hard, and cold”, so you quit and now these Ski’s sit by the garage door. All those spare bicycle parts you’ve kept over the years just incase you needed them when you used to cycle to work as part of your keep fit promise you made 8 years ago. All these spare parts just kept in a box next to the garage door. And the training bench you bought from another blokes garage and thought, “bargain! that will help me with my keep fit promise”, and now it’s been 8 years and you want somebody to buy it off you so you can clear somespace from around the garage door.

Not to mention the gigantic Tech two prototype Black Operations Battleship sitting at the back collecting dust.

If it could, if the black ops COULD do everything people want it to then everyone would be finding them in their systems followed by a large group of invaders. Local chat would suddenly fill up in home systems all over EvE without a gate being activated at any point. Everyone would skill up for this thing, everyone would be willing to forgo their T2 large guns training to train the pain in the arse navigation skills you need to V and then it would be chaos. Chaos and ruin would be wrought over the entire game and things would change for the Black Op’s. The price would increase several hundreds over their current price tag of around 500-600 million, and then supply would increase, and the price would drop but only slightly and not by much. Heaven forbid if they ever become usefull. Don’t skill up to use these ships or you risk leaving it unused in the garage rigged and ready but too expensive to use as a generic ship. Oh well the dream was nice while it lasted.

And so with these 3 disapointments spoken about, I feel like I’ve cleansed my gmaing soul a little. I’d like for my gamining ideas of what I think EvE is to become reality one day but I think that after you’ve been kicked a few times, you tend to see the next one coming so disapointment becomes less and less obvious and instead becomes the normal behaviour for what you expected anyway. The circus is never as awesome as the posters make it out to be, and quite often the weather report is very wrong. EvE tends to have other influences such as what the players are actually doing, or, some variable you didn’t plan for in your little dream scenario. With that in mind, it just becomes a game of figuring out all the variables, then deciding what are the likely outcomes and the likely effects of what it is you are about to do, and then going on that course.Β  Such is life, lot’s of disapointment but without dreams such games could not exist.

(how unneeded was that last paragraph? let me know on 0145-gofuckingdie)

*The Cosbys was a great show and I’ve seen every episode because back home it was on at 18:00 on Fridays and that was just before I would go out so I could watch that and be all wholesome family values before going out being a young rebel arsehole. Sorry did you want to know all of that?


EvE – Time investment

I’ve had this title kicking around this blog for AGES. This idea of how we spend time, so much time on our game and why we do what we do in game with that time. It’s a very difficult subject but very interesting, to me at least so I want to write about it at least in some brief half arsed way. So here I go.

Like all things in life you have to spend time doing them. That is about as obvious as I can get other than to say my brothers forehead is shaped like a skateboarding accident. EvE online has your character passively learning skills while you do not play leaving you time to concentrate on the actual game. If that’s trading, pve, roleplay, pirating, huge wars or whatever. You don’t need to focus on your character in order to play the game. Learning these skills just means you unlock new parts of the game for yourself, that’s all they do. If we were able to buy skill points or skill levels then everything would be vastly different but we are not here to talk about that.

The “everything else” that the game leaves you to do, takes lot’s and lot’s of time to complete. Some people, let’s call them very intelligent people, are able to do these things quicker than others. That’s because they are smarter than us and we shouldn’t be pissed at them for that reason, because if you are both facing each other, you pull a Han, and then gods of dice rolls are on your side, he will die first and you can take his loot. (Digression – It’s the equivalent of punching a smug smart person in the face and having him embarrassed infront of everyone). These smart people are still after the same thing you are, and that’s to nurture their character into a strong form of charisma in a social group, and/or a powerfull financial position within the game.

Which is just me saying that people want a wallet stocked full of ISK and they want to command hundreds of players in an alliance being a bad ass space baron. The power you seek in your character could also be in the form of a corporation member willing to put the effort in to build an industry section for a high sec corp. Trusted and well liked by everyone but with no desire for glory. A true hero.

And then of course we all agree that we are all avoiding the negative sides of growing our characters. When you lose your shit in-game and then that brief moment of rage that your partner just witnessed over your stupid space game. After all you are losing nothing tangible, but you are losing something valuable, your time. So this is on the other side of the scale. If I thump the desk because I lost another T3 ship to my stupidity I am angry at myself for wasting what I see as a few days/weeks work. I’m not angry at those that did the heinous removing of my assests, I am angry at myself and then I wonder why I play and then I get frustrated and start picking flaws in things I previously didn’t give two shits about. It’s one of these little bastards below…

The most viscious of circles.

I’ve said numerous times that I think a game that can bring about actual mental and physical stresses is a game that should be revered. Not many games cause sweats, eating disorders, sleep disruptions, feelings of inadequacy like EvE online does. I think the experts and general sane population of EvE would say, “step away from your game if you are experiencing this”. Though everyone at some point feels terrible for playing because you invest so much into your game on your own time only to see it get vaporised or worse, stolen by a selfish cocknose.

Other games give you respawns or minor experience penalties. They don’t remove your shit and tell you to start again with your current skill points. And even then, skillpoints can be removed if you don’t update your clone. Imagine if everytime you played your favourite online shooter, when you died your gun was removed and replaced with the noob rifle. And not only that but some player who has seen you die, picks up your shiny rifle and then disconnects from the server. If that rifle cost you real life cash to buy, you would be pretty upset wouldn’t you?

Well real life cash is what many people use to buy ingame currency or even just to subscribe, and then put their time and effort into their game only to see it removed from them, with no recourse. That’s a very harsh game. And it exists in EvE online.

An extreme case would be a Titan loss. While a titan is a huge effort on the part of an alliance or large group to create the loss is still going to affect 1 person more than the others. At 60-70 billion on some widly average guess cost you’re looking at a real life value of 70,000,000,000 / 360,000,000 x 14.95 = 2906.9444444444. Just shy of 3000 euros. If you can afford to lose 3 grand in a game then fair enough, but it’s still going to hurt you. I’d imagine it would look pretty silly to anybody that had to explain to their significant other why they were spending real cash on an internet spaceship game. Especially to the tune of THOUSANDS. Some of my extended family members gave me funny looks for buying a Nintendo DS to play silly games on and that has cost me 200 euros in total over the last 2 years for games and a nice case, but it’s real and I can touch it or rub it on my face or whatever I want. If I was to buy 200 game time cards, sell them in Jita, and then buy a Titan in an internet game…I’d be out looking for a new place to fucking live.

If you spend your actual cash on your game, please take a photo of your partner and post it on the internet so we have more examples of angry spouses to use for blog posts.

I think many are in this sort of situation, which is why they get upset and then forum rage when their Golem was suicide ganked. Or when their entire high sec mining op was taken out by one prick and his smartbombing battleship. Or when one angry blogger loses his T3 to an obvious bait ship (no more clues..ok yes it was me).

Some thread recently on EvE-O forums* had one intelligent person discuss that as he makes a nice wage packet it makes more sense to him to spend his cash on ingame currency to then have fun with. His plan was rather than spending his time grinding up ISK and then using that to have fun with, he could just use his real life cash. People like this dude are in a fortunate situation and I wish we were all so lucky but not all of us are high rollers or have great paying work, that’s just how it is I’m affraid. So to him, his time is more valuable than his cash, and to us paupers our cash is more valuable than our time…which is a total shame but a sad fact. Still I wouldn’t like to be the person explaining vast sums of credit card transactions over the internet to my missus. “What or WHO did you spend 3 grand on hmm? was it a whore was it? are you seeing high price whores from some CCP Games hmm? what sort of games does she like then hmm? does she like the sort of games where your penis ends up in the microwave and your kids learn of daddys other women and his drinking problem? Do you value your family and want to see your children ever again?”. Life is just not worth that sort of trouble.

And what sort of person can rationalise spending so much cash on an internet spaceship game? To avoid a possible coversation/confrontation you have to get your hobby out in the open. How do you bring it up? do you sit the person down and say, “Honey, I’m going to spend some of our money on my game that I play, you know the science fiction game that I play in the evenings that I’ve spoken about a few times? I’m going to spend a few hundred euros on it but it’s ok I’ve got the money saved for this”. It makes no fucking difference if you are as rich as Bill Gates, that conversation just reduced your sex appeal in the persons eyes.

What if they then say, “Ok sure honey you do that, you’ve earned the money go right ahead. I’m going to take some of our savings and buy a fuck tonne of shoes ok?”. You can’t have a problem with it, you can’t be THAT hypocritical and you can’t suddenly have an issue with it. Maybe the person will spend exactly what you spend on their hobby, and that hobby is something you detest? It’s tough shit. So you lie about it. Like it’s some hidden fetish you keep in the shed in the garden under the loose floorboard under your work bench. You’ve got to hide it incase they find out and start taking liberties with the household funds themselves. You can’t let anybody know, and if they find out your excuse better be a good one.

Personally I have enough patience to wait for things and to try new ways to make my ISK over the long term. Start small and work your way up. Trade for your ISK, pirate for your ISK, scam people, do what it takes to get your TIME-ISK ratio balanced or in huge favour of the one you value the most.

I almost took a screenshot of this taking a screenshot of itself but my mind could not take it.

EvE can go both ways and neither side will ever agree. Those that say it’s just a game and not to get so butthurt over your loss boohoohoo cry moar, will NEVER EVER see eye to eye with the people that just want to be left alone. These just want to do their own little things withut being distrubed by the former type as much as possible. Though both sides can agree that whatever time they have spent on their game, be it real life time transferred to ingame cash, or time ingame to get ingame cash are both important because that’s how they best use their game time.

Some people want to log in and get right to the action straight away and stay in the action until they log off with little or no care to how many spaceships they lost that day/evening. I can’t really understand that sort of player because I wonder how they can afford that sort of lifestyle, or how they can justify it. It would be interesting to find out who has to make these sort of excuses, and if they indeed need to make excuses for their spaceship game. And who is quite content missioning for hours on end playing their bloody spaceship game instead of doing something constructive. Someone make an accurate survey, go!

*EvE-O forums are rarely a source of actual information or decent threads written by decent people. However once every harvest moon a thread comes along that defys the odds, and people come together as one to type coherently and the trolls stay away choosing to post on their mains and man up. Usually they are full of drooling chubby cheeked dual chins who think that being a loser is cool or pedo glasses man who loves being righteous.


EvE – Part III.

7 months.

September 2010 was the last EvE post which is a hell of a break. Playing other games and doing some blogging about other things also made me realise that blogging about something specific is important if you want to have focus. So here I am again…and I’m going to regret this, here I try again. I’ve given myself an hour to do this including the cutting, pasting and bullshit shopping. GO!

Oh and the word “break” really doesn’t cover it so well, but a break from blogging and a break from EvE came hand in hand. Whilst playing other games and having more actual life away from the PC EvE was still being subbed, 3 accounts at one stage, while I wasn’t playing…that’s FUCKED. Now I have 2 accounts as the character on one account has been sold. Goodbye Farlig Ekorre, you were awesome. Now a brief screenshot in time of things of interest.

1) BJ Artist.

An actual player, rather than just a clever portrait.

Not exactly news but normally a pisstake portrait has no actual player. BJ Artist is quite chatty though so now you can sleep better at night knowing that.

2) Verone.


Verone doesn’t have the reputation for roaming around and being an active pilot with his character Verone, he insteads props up a bar somewhere in Goinard doing things like organising his rather large pirate force, or attending fanfests and other CCP type things as he’s a well known “face” of the game. I’m not sure wtf he was doing in Fliet but my alt found him, because she’s a sultry spy!

3) The most expensive gatecamp in low sec.

Helpfull game tip: Don't gate camp with a Titan.

The systems around Intaki are full of pirates, industry types, freedom fighters, trolls and Russian titan owners. This was sat at a gate killing a Drake. not solo of course, he had 12 or so ships in tow but he was flagged for piracy so I sure hope he was able to tank the gate guns! I was chasing some Gallente frigate gang, they ran here, I jumped in and then poop and wee ran down my leg as a titan bridged in with his gang to kill a pirate Drake on the gate. You don’t see that everyday and I suspect that it might be the start of something quite obscene for the far future of EvE. HAH! as if EvE has a future! I think it might have been a well timed distraction because the Gallente gang got away because I was gawking at this thing. Oh well.

4) Draketrain.

Drake gang extraordinaire.

Draketrain are awesome. Their killboard speaks volumes about the people who run it and the guys that fleet up all the time. I think back in their beggining they were kick ass in Faction Warfare and they just carried on until it just became the norm’ for them. This is just one example of a gang. I was a scimitar pilot, with NO Whore gun so killmails are few and far between but I did lose many Warrior II’s as a result of trying to killmail whore. This is many Drakes, I think the gang had like 50 Drakes in the end. Oh and a rogue hurricane.

5) Jewing ISK.

First and only ever Officer spawn.

First, jewing ISK is WRONG but it’s funny. Second, these officers are like crack and it’s hard to stop looking. While being in Draketrain as part of TEST alliance for the last few months I found one officer spawn and this was it. Not even one of the best officers, but I’ll take it. He dropped loads of Serpentis loot and an implant so I can’t really complain at 300 mil. I have since lost the Tengu in an amazing failcascade that involves my greed, an asteroid that loved to hug, and my inability to be on voice comms. Oh and no screenshots of that either. Suffice to say my ratting days are over and any ISK I made whilst ratting has since gone. Oh but from -10.00 standing to my current +3.20, I’d say that was pretty usefull. Fuck ratting, seriously, it’s boring but can it be?

6) part 1 of a 3 part screenshot story. Titans.

Erebus and Erebus. The twin gods of ROCK AND ROLL!

On a Draketrain organised op we found ourselves drafted into a TEST fleet that was then drafted into a Goonswarm fleet to destroy one of EVOKE’s towers. It smelled bad from the start, not having the same voice comms being one reason but another being it was TEST AND GOONSWARM so being badly orgnaised to boot made it taste like a hobo popping a large zit into your mouth. Lacco did however try his best to figure out exactly wtf was going on. These 2 titans bridged us somewhere 50 or so jumps from where we started out leaving us to get back by ourselves of course.

7) The fight!

Ok so this is EVOKEs tower and that is our gang..with our Rorqual.

I’ve no idea who took the Rorqual and while I realise this is a TESTSWARM fleet so these things are expected…you hope that people take the right ships and not their mining op ships, I do hope they lost it though. Many many Maelstroms, logistics, and a massive Drake gang brought by ourselves. Which Goonswarm wanted to be thrown against the rocks as some sort of sacrificial bait fleet, which we were not keen we bailed on them and caused some major drama πŸ™‚ Which was funny until Goonswarm got whelped and made Lacco pay them back 3 billion ISK in losses caused by him agreeing to come, and then backing out. He’s Finnish, so I would expect some senior members of Goonswarm to go “missing” or “die of natural causes” at some stage. So yes the 50 or so jumps back to 6VDT was made easier in that, along the way our scout found a Nidhoggur in a safe spot with his buddies.

8 ) Nidhoggur down, we’ve got a Nidhoggur down.

Such a pretty ship brought down by a few Drakes and their awesome Logistics pilots who saved the day and were totally awesome with their 5 Warrior II's!

One thing you should be doing at all times while safed up uncloaked is looking for combat probes. I’m not sure he was doing that considering he lost his fine carrier out in a safe spot with NOBODY to help him. Well he had friends but they came one at a time and died the same way. Poor guy but the kill made up for the drama earlier in the night.

And since these are the most exciting things I can think of right now that I took screenshots of, you could say that my game has been very quiet. And it has. I’ve traded more than ever before and made a fucking heap of ISK as a result of tips and tipoffs. My now sold Industry alt was pulling in millions from her PI project while she was hauling things around the universe to put up for trade. I helped a good friend of mine ruin the PI economy and control some of the most ridiculous markets, it was like PVP with adrenaline and risk on the line but at a much slower pace of course.

Though it’s not exactly exciting to take screenshots about unless you like graphs and numbers, and I would do a piss poor job at explaining it anyway. Also I quite like that I helped manipulate PI prices a little, so you’re welcome if you also made millions from this πŸ™‚

1 hour 9 minutes.

EDIT: I turned 30, I went to New York to celebrate, I drank lot’s of Champagne, ate lot’s of food, and spent too much money on shit I don’t need. It was great and I have pics or gtfo proof so fuck you!

May 2011
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