Blood Bowl – The Orc-Toof cup, final.

No semi finals this time, of which I can only assume the Gobbos did something to the Orc team before their match involoving far too many explosives ending in catastrophe resulting in both teams being annihilated…who knows? So without a semi-final to worry about The Pierced Heart and The Skull Takers show up ready for the spectacular final of the Orc-Toof cup.

The Pierced Heart Dark Elf team. Let's see if they are any deadlier than before.

Being a very successful team of psychotic miscreants has its downfalls. For one the team horsedrawn cart is constantly mobbed by idiotic fans who do not realise it will be the last thing they ever do as Ram’em Down demonstrates before every game in his ritual stampeding of the crowd. More importantly though it means the opposition constantly has hundreds of thousands of gold to spend on star players, extra rerolls and the like. It is quite daunting when in every game a star player appears waiting to rip your players heads off.

This match was not unlike the others. The PIE team as we shall call them, paid for a very famous assassin to join the ranks for one match only. Coach TooNu couldn’t be more worried about a character that can shadow your team members while stabbing at them with a razor sharp poisoined knife whilst avoiding anything coming towards him. A deadly opponent…

Well, at least they got a reroll for their 450,000 gold pieces.

…that our chaos warrior Krushzor saw fit to take out in the very first turn of the match. Sucks to spend so much gold on a star player only for him to be so utterly dissapointing you want to scream so loud until you actually die from over screaming. Oh well, what a shame.

Many Many Dark pointy ears going down to the power of Chaos.

And so the match would begin much like a medieval sieging, lot’s of large things hitting other things, only the other things breaking quite rapidly leaving nothing standing at the end. Chaos players do very much like ripping apart a Dark Elf team, if not to stop their stupid arrogant ways but also because…they can do it so damn well.

See the tactic works, hit them and keep hitting them and then just walk a touchdown in.

Hit them again and again and again and again. Remove any Dark Elves from the pitch in rapid succession and then score a touchdown to put the pressure on them. It’s both violent physically but also mentally brutal at the same time.

A silly mistake costs the Pierced Heart the advantage.

Just a few turns in the field (firey purple rock field) had become quite red with Dark Elf blood. The nameless gods looking on would be proud of what they have helped twist into a cruel destructive force.

Ty get's a little help from his friends and breaks through the Dark Elf half. Mutants = win.

Even when the pointy Hearts had the ball, they struggled to keep ahold of it. If a beastman was not finding his way into their packed defences to get at the ball, a chaos warrior was shouldering his way through behind a giant Minotaur that just kept on hitting and hitting like a charging…well, bull. Moo.

A Blitzer tries to take Ty out before it's too late. Sadly for him, it was allready too late.

Ty-Nogors proving once again just incase anybody missed it before how great he is at running the ball from point A. to point B. Point A. being the place the Elf dropped it and point B. being the elven endzone. With his extra arm, extra head and suprisingly charismatic wit he shows the other players on both teams just how it is supposed to be done.

Never let a Minotaur kick the ball, they are far too strong.

Minotaurs also had quite a nice day. Ram’em Down had polished his horns with his favourite brush and a bucket of Goblin blood before the match started and was making sure that as many Dark Elves as possible got a close look at all of his hard work. Many Dark Elves suffered to bring us such nice photos, suffering I am sure they would agree was necessary.

Ram'em Down clears a path to the ball carrier. The Takers recieve the ball again.

At no point during the match was the outcome ever in question. Coach TooNu had given precise instructions to his players that it was vital to the false gods plans that this game be won, and won in a viloent manner the likes of which Blood Bowl enthusiasts would remember as more of a blood bath than an actual match. And so they took the words of coach TooNu and set about making sure they came to be. Ty-Nogors even got stuck in but like all egotistical murderous mutants he had a duty to score touchdowns, less his average drops.

Ty runs with it to the left, his 2nd head get's him out of trouble yet again. 2 heads ARE better than 1.

Being a mutant has its benefits, an extra hand to carry buckets of blood to the shrine, or keeping one head awake so nothing can creep up on you in the dark for example. Though arguing amongst yourself is quite a bore after awhile.

We see far too much of Ty scoring, so instead here are the 'Cursed Girls Cheerleader Squad'.

A quick match in comparison to some other tight close matches, or long drawn out matches of constant struggle for pitch supremacy but when playing against a team that is far weaker than you it is to be expected. Like coach TooNu always says, “Don’t let them get their A-game on and you won’t have any suprises or anything unexpected happen. Crush them into the floor and keep them there, so when they get up you know where they are and can do it again.”

3-0 and a really safe win for the Takers. The crowd don't seem to be too excited however.

While not a crowd favourite, the running game works brilliantly if you are to win with a team whose agility and accuracy are not exactly ‘on the ball’. Sometimes a throw can work but the catch rarely does, and if they do work together then the crowd go nuts and the match get’s a higher rating. Sadly unless you train your players for throwing and catching, your chances of this are not great.

Scrufmulgors MVP, picks up the Gaurd ability as a result of leveling up thanks to this. He will be the new Right side Beastman.

Scrufmulgors becomes even more of a ‘one to watch for’ kinda beastman. A few times he has suprised the crowd by doing something quite unexpected, or perhaps expected because beastman do indeed like to ram things with their horns quite frequently. Scruf’ tends to think a little more than most beastmen and manages to create moments for the team to take advantage of. We shall have to keep an eye (or as many eyes as you can spare) on him in the future.

Not very Orcy is it? not even 1 Orc Tooth on it either. Oh well, the 3rd trophy to take back home to the Chaos wastes.

The third trophy gets plundered by the Skull Takers chaos team from the wastes. The dagger of the trophy immediately finds its way into the apothecarys hands for some…experiments.

Many many awards this time around. Most injuries, most Touchdowns, most running yards. Yup, sounds like the Skull Takers to me.

Awards are just something for players to brag over. Ty of course needs no extra bragging rights but these make all of his wild claims seem a little more plausable, though the one where he claims to have taken on 2 Trolls single handedly whilst heading for the endzone seems a little far fetched. Of course Ram’em down is largely at fault for giving the Skull Takers a reputation for hurt and pain delivery unrivalled by any team in the Blood Bowl leagues.

Bye, bye, good luck on your pillaging.

Though the Takers have won 3 tournaments now and continue to impress crowds, media moguls, other teams and coachs alike, some creatures are just not happy. Ro and Mily are a little unsatisfied with being left off the pitch for some many games that they decide to leave the team to return to a life of pilaging, looting and mayhem. Good luck to them.

Ty-Nogors, super mutant. Blessed yet again by the gods we do not speak of, Ty becomes very VERY ugly...like his black heart!

Ty on the other hand only gets better. Now that he is officially a ‘star’ the treacherous masters of chaos gift him with another mutation, this time leaving him with a foul appearance causing other players to retch and look away with disgust. A green cloud of stink and disease follows him around which also causes most of his fans to stay well away from him, though his die hard fans still reamin that…very much dead.

The next tournament, the Joy cup. Though what is so Joyfull about it we have no idea??

And in true chaotic fashion the unexpected and unnatural direction is chosen by Coach TooNu and so he enters the Skull Takers into the Joy cup because Irony is funny and Coach TooNu believes he is a funny guy, funny but very unlucky to have been landed this job in the first place. Will his players appreciate the irony or will they decide to roast him alive for entering them into the Joy cup?


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