Blood Bowl – Dark elf dance. Day 1

Elves of any nature are sneaky, backstabbing, agile and cunning lot. Dark Elves put an emphasis on the backstabbing.

'Bribe the ref' - so they can cheat and I can't? what sort of world is this?

The Pierced Heart Dark Elf team present the 2nd team ever to give coach TooNu the willies. First the Dwarven Anvils who are tough stubbourn little bastards and now a threat that could penetrate the heart of the Skull Takers. Their team members are not weak, they are highly skilled and unlike their woodelf bretheren, they can put up a fight and actively search for fights. It would be a match where words like ‘cautious’ and ‘careful’ would be highly valued as tactics.

"look ma! we're on cable-vision!" - Brandon Axiom, a spectator with dual personality shortly before being eaten by the Troll whose view he was blocking.

Playing in a new stadium was quite nice. Not only to play in a decent stadium for once but to be live on cablevision exposing the power and majesty of the great Skull Takers!…ok so the advertising of the team needs a little work but having the team covered by the major sports channel is bound to pick up a sponsors interest. If the match goes well of course. And by well I mean a chaotic masterpiece of blood letting savegery.

The most picturesque kick-off ever?

The evenings match was underway and the Dark Elves start by assaulting as many Chaos players as possible, while their running back snags the ball and tries to drive it through a blockade of Beastmen. Stupid guy.

A mighty blow for a mighty game.

Ram’em Down was wasting no time, if these pointy ears wanted a fight, then he was more than willing to oblige. The Assassin paid for it by taking a Minotaur High-five to his chest.

Explanation incoming...

As the Dark Elves had the ball Ty-Nogors did the usual, scooping upthe ball up as it rolled across the field. Ducking and doging through the Dark Elf line and breaking out to their half. He didn’t see the Blitzer (even with his second head) and the last thing he remembers before being taken off the pitch was a flash of a foot and then blackness. Gnar decided not to let the Blitzer recover the ball and so put his horns into the blitzers side pushing him off the path of the ball while Scruf picks the ball up and runs it in.

This is a perfect example of everything going right during a recovery play. If Ty had run it in, that would have been better, but as it stood the play couldn’t have worked any better.

Reroll heaven. Soon both teams won't have to worry about bad dice again.

The ball is kicked once again to the Pierced Heart team and the event is rolled. More rerolls.

Pink = Rerolls you have purchased, Green = actual rerolls remaining. (??) I'm certain I'm correct...80%...70% certain.

It is about turn 4 and the Pierced heart are trying to go through the Skull Takers yet again. Don’t they learn? Creulty and pain only get you so far in a game of Blood Bowl, you have to be powerfull to and they seem to lack any real power. The ball gets taken by the rear lineman and they start to blitz the right side of the pitch. The line man runs left revealing the feint, but it doesn’t work..at all. Though impressive because it is one of the few times a great tactic is used by the opponent.

The feint...fails.

Not only does the lineman get stopped HARD again by Gnar but Gnar also gets taken out, his attacker then get’s smashed in the face and leaves the pitch. The ball get’s pickup by Laly Tusk and gets ran in on the last turn of the half. 2 Touchdowns in the first half and both times involved a blitz, a successful recovery and a great run to the endzone.

Turn 8 of half time touchdown. Nice.

A few unlucky blocking dice for the Skull Takers but coach TooNu can’t complain, his team are 2-0 up and it would take a significant play by the Dark Elf team to come back from that. They kick the ball during the second half giving them even less time to recover the ball. The Takers line just needs to hold them back for a few turns giving Ty an opportunity to run it through and up if he can.

The 7 cheerleaders that will bring the downfall of the entire world!

7 deadly sins…7 cheerleaders…7th son of a 7th son…lucky number 7…it’s too much of a coincedence. They will bring the downfall of us all. Back to the second half.

More fighting, more blood, more cracked bones, more violence!

So the chaos warrior there has the ball eh? well as it happens we both know that Blood Bowl throws the dice and doesn’t give a shit where they land. As it so happens, the chaos warrior in question just executed a stunning right hook to the chin of a Pierced Heart witch sending her off with a dose of the ‘oh my god my jaw’. The ball landed in the crook of his left arm, and there it stayed. So Krushzor, for it was he who caught it, kept the glory for himself, or for as long as the forsaken gods would allow.

Another scramble for the ball means more Dark Elves bleed alot.

With the more agile Dark Elves managing to lay down some pretty viscious tacklezones and by some unknown ability to pick the correct Skull Taker to lay out on the pitch with his face covered in his own blood, Krushzor had to barge his way through the net of pointy eared pain givers and head out of the scrimmage as fast as his legs could go. Which is not very fast and not very ballet like.

Krushzor leaves more bloodied bodies in his wake.

It took a few turns to navigate him through the tackle zones, avoiding being blitzed where possible whilst giving him coverage by available beastmen.

A few more concusions just to make sure.

Though they tried and tried, Krushzor was just too strong…not fast like you might expect a ball carrier to be but powerfull enough to knock back any threats. And if that didn’t work, just put a beastman in the way with his horns and make the thing charge like a doped to the eyeballs freight train. Krushzor would run it from the half way line, through Darkelf traps and sneakery all the way to the endzone. For a classic finish and something that was totally unplanned for. Chaos warriors can be awesome running backs…with enough luck and re-rolls on their side.

A Chaos Warrior Touchdown..wonders never cease.

Incidently, chaos warrior touchdown celebrations are a Stinson type of awesome.

Mediocre review but a high scoring match with enough fighting and blood to see the 4 ruinous powers satisfied.

3-0 to the Skull Takers which despite the review should be enough to attract a sponsor in upcoming seasons. The cablevision coverage should be enough to bring more fans to the games and with fans and popularity comes more gold for spending on equipment and extras.

Laly Tusk MVP...again?

Laly Tusk seems to like his new found appreciation from the commentators, though, he doesn’t do a great deal through the matches as he is just another Beastmen with the Block skill, but perhaps he is the next up and coming star? Or will Krushzor fill that spot? Time will tell.

Coach TooNu is starting to think he won’t see the inside of that cooking pot again if the games carry on this way. WIn games, earn money, bribe officials to let fans into the locker room, let the players eat the fans instead. Great idea.


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