Blood Bowl – Close matches are the best matches. Semi’s.

The last time the Arrows and the Skull Takers met it didn’t go too well for the Takers. Being beaten quite soundly in the first match and having eaten, regurgitated and resurected coach TooNu all in the same night it would probably be in his best interests to do better this time around. The semi-finals of the Aerial cup are upon us!

Though it looks like they have suffered some losses or haven’t done too well because their team rating is very low in comparison, earning them some inducement cash to spend on more fodder..er players. I don’t think numbers are going to save them against a horde of Beastmen, Chaos warriors and a rampaging Minotaur.


That reroll is the only REAL worry. The Skull Takers have 0 rerolls.


With both teams making their way onto the pitch the first noticeable difference in their line up are the extra players. Their thrower having died in a game against the Dribblerz in a previous match they now place trust in their catchers and their overall running game. Star of their new lineup includes the Mercenary Treeman, Mightybud and Merc’ Wardancers, Dindia and Daraere. Their regular lineup can’t sustain much more losses one would assume. For now however, coach TooNu only has to worry about how the match will begin…and it begins with a bang!


I wanna Rock!!!


So a Wardancer takes one in the head and stays down for the first turn. The Kick is made and for once, the kick is actually a good one as Ty-nogors proves once again that he is not a waste of money by placing the ball expertly in the far right corner.


Fetch the ball boy, go on, fetch the ball ya pointy eared GIT !


The usual tactics soon came out and it was clear to all the spectators which team was going to try and dominate the other. With a large Tree on the field being the only cause of power of worry, and well..it’s a tree for feths sake. An early cruel maneuver put one Elven lineman into the path of charging Minotaur, Ram’em Down, not an ideal situation to be in as a skinny Elf.


Always look left, right, then left again before crossing into the path of a charging Minotaur.


Despite all the show of strength and toying of Elven people, it did not deter the swiftness or agility of some elves on the Arrows team.


The Troll asks the Elf to come closer and "look at dis cool thing I jus found". The Elf does not fall for it...pity.


Weaving, passing and dodging very well gives the nimble Arrows a 1-0 advantage which puts coach TooNu 1 step closer to the pot. Losing again to an elf team such as the Arrows who can’t even field their own team properly, would not only be excrutiatingly painfull but finding a willing necromancer to sift through the piles of Beastman droppings for body parts and then that can attach the body parts back correctly is such a hassle. Oh and embarrassing.

Though the kickoff return yeilds an impressive run for the Skull Takers. That extra arm of Ty-Nogors comes in handy when picking up the ball on the first attempt and the pushing drive up the left hand side is just as effective. A huge gap is opened up letting Ty run through un hindered. And with fast blocking skills and down right cheating, the centre field makes short work of the Elven lot, freeing up more beastmen to cover the back field on the Elven half. Over run in the next 2 turns leaving Ty a clear space to run on in just before the half ends.


Ty-Nogors, the beastman of the hour.


The halftime chat goes rather well. Coach TooNu says that his players must watch the elves and stop them from slipping through. The players think that coach Toonu should do the chat from the bucket of marinade because why waste precious flavouring time? Coach TooNu explains that if they play a bit better, the marinade is the only thing getting wasted. The players agree all except Lord Spine Ripper who, being a lord, doesn’t HAVE to agree to anything if he doesn’t want to. It’s a fair point and the Skull Takers head back out onto the field.


A not so nice trick is to block a player so the only way he can go is off the pitch where the fans beat them into unconciousness.


Things like this happen  and Elves are still palying Blood Bowl. It’s no wonder the forests are in the state they are in.

With more Elves being kicked and punched and stood on with every passing turn, a 2nd touchdown soon followed with more showing off from the showman of awesome, Ty-Nogors.


'Walking it in over a zigzag pattern for no reason'. <-- an actual play from Coach TooNu's playbook of Elven misery.


2-1 to the Skull Takers, still sceptical of the ability of his players, coach TooNu looks at the pot and sighs out a little relief. At least things are looking up at the moment.


In my head..that screenshot makes perfect sense.


With a perfect defense Coach TooNu was able to put his players in the perfect place to counter anything that the so called perfect Elves would do. The Treeman would get blocked by Ram’em, the chaos warrios would tear apart the centre line, the beastmen would cover the flanks and hopefully get the ball back with a quick blitz if a hole opened up…which it would knowing these elves.

Though it doesn’t always go according to plan…


The Elves made reservations at 'Cafe' wi-jus pwntjoo.'


Nothing says, “you haven’t won yet” quite like a Elven agility demonstration. The Arrows certainly made it look like a gap could be opened up in their defence, but feigning their weakness and taking full advantage of their speed meant they opened up their own gap..in the Skull Takers rear half. With no defence left standing and all other Chaos players focussing on fighting, the Elves just walk another easy touchdown in. Coach TooNu stepped into the bucket of marinade and had a cheerleader massage his flesh to make it tender.

With only a few turns remaining and the game about to reach extra time the kick off is made and the Takers decide that a bit of pain and blood letting is in order. If they win, good, if they lose..well Coach TooNu will be a satisfactory consolation prize.


"nnnn !!!" - This wardancers last words.


Ram’em Down makes this Wardancer regret her mercenary decision to join the Arrows. Gold isn’t worth the beating that the crowd give her.

While possession of the ball remains in the hands of the Takers, as long as they protect the ball carrier everything should be fine for the coach’s health and well being. And while the chaos boys enjoy a good coach roast, a win tastes even better especially, over tree hugging pointy ears.


With a cage of fellow players around, and a few puny Elves to push about, a touch down couldn't be more secure.


Extra time finishes and the Arrows are eliminated from the competition. The Skull Takers move to the final and coach Toonu goes for a bath as the marinade really does nothing for his skin.


Fewer deaths and fewer injuries than the last match, but the fans liked this match more, why?


And for the first time, a Chaos Warrior is MVP. He must have done something right, or the commentators just have a warped sense of humour.


What he did to deserve this? Who knows, only the false gods know.


What is interesting and pretty awesome about the false gods is that from time to time they “bless” a player with something special. Ty-Nogors had done pretty well and was blessed with an extra arm, this time…Ty recieves an extra head. Two heads are better than one and now he can avoid being hit while dodging out of tacklezones, making him a very dangerous ball handler (sounds dirty).


Just missing the extra leg to make shoe shopping 50% more expensive.


And so we take the extra mutated Ty to the finals of the Aerial cup where the Takers shall face the Dribblerz, again.


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