Blood Bowl – Don’t hold a grudge. Day 3


Oh to be so ultimately badass that while playing you can drink a beer.


This match had coach TooNu worried from the very first time he saw the league team roster. First Elves again, then Goblins, now Dwarves. Of all 3 Dwarves are the toughest opponents the Skull Takers could be facing. While not particularly fast, they make up for that by not falling down like the puny Elf race or squashing as easy as Goblins. And they give as good as they get. Troll-Slayers in particular are capable of tearing your largest players limb from limb if you are not carefull. It was to be a war.

Though as we had increased the roster of the Takers by 1, and having won a few matches in the past, the team value was pretty high in comparison to the short beardy guys. This has advantages in that knowing your team has more toys to play around with and is probably more successful and with more cash to spend. It’s disadvantage is that the game tries to even both teams out for the upcoming match by giving the less valued team a cash inducement.


Extra players, for free! Dwarves coming up from the ground and all that.


It wasn’t too much of a worry, no star players or sneaky crap. Instead they hire an extra Troll slayer. And with that the match begins, both teams setup and the ball is kicked off by the stunty Dwarven runner.


5 Cheerleaders are really worth the chance of an extra re-roll, bringing my total of re-rolls to..well..one.



YELLOW - Death Roller Secret Weapon


The last time I saw a Deathroller in a match it managed to all but ruin my plans entirely. Able to knock larger players down and out while avoiding most if not all block attacks. Avoiding this thing would be a priority, hence the setting up of as few on the line as possible AND while taking first turn to further help avoid it. Coach TooNu had a sneaky suspiscion that the Dwarven coach would use it for the first half and deployed his players accordingly.

As it turned out however, the Deathroller was easier to avoid than first thought. Running away from it works but if a player is standing next to it, have them attack a close Dwarf and have him follow the Dwarf on a block or push result to avoid rolling for a tacklezone. This commits the Deathroller to a blitz attack on his next turn or simply moving it forward with no attack.

Avoiding the Deathroller and being faster (and more cunning) than the average Dwarf brought Coach TooNu one step further away from the cooking pot as a 4th turn TD and the game lead gave him cause for relief.


A right side blitz pushing Dwarves out of the way and creating tackle zones in the area gave the Beastman Ty-Nogors an easy time of slipping through while using other players to cover his advance for a fast Touchdown.


With a new kickoff it meant the ineffectual Dwarven Deathroller was sent off to the sin-bin for the remainder of the match. An unusual sigh of relief could be heard from the front 4 Chaos defensive line…not so much relief but dissapointment in seeing a machine capable of bloddying up the place go to such a waste so early on. The sending off was followed by a kick off event that would have been handy to the Anvils had it come sooner. False gods intervening and proving that yet again blood sacrifices before a match do work.


Off you go naughty.


The kick was delivered short in the hopes of a fast recovery but a Dwarven Runner did his job and managed to run and run and run and run some more. His beard remains unmolested by cloven hands and feet largely to his amazing running skills while his friends keept him in a short-meat cage. Even Minotaur giant Ram’em Down tried to get through that and failed.


Giant Minotaur Vs Small stubborn Dwarf and yet the dwarf remains firm.


Dwarves are exactly that, stubborn. Stubborn and heavy obese binge drinking little midgets. Hit one with a building and it will only run at you clipping your testicles with it’s forehead and that is a situation nobody wants to be in. A testament to their stubborn ways comes in the form of the block skill which seemed to be handed out to the players of the Dwarf Anvil’s like abortion leaflets at an inner city school. Every Dwarven team has a “must have BLOCK skill” requirement just like  every inner city school has a creche requirement.


Thankfully in knowing about this Block skill fascination many of the Skull Takers first level up is a definite Block skill.


Not all Beastmen make it to the second level. Occasionally one of the lesser used members of the Takers team get’s spanked, and spanked hard by a short ginger man with body tatoos and an eye patch.


"Visciously assaulted by a small man with a beard you say?...have we been drinking tonight sir"


With half-time now upon him and the Injury of the match out of the way (hopefully) coach TooNu took stock of the situation. So far the score was in their favor at 1-0 and their DeathRoller wasn’t coming back out leaving Ram’em Down no equal on the pitch while still having a strong defence in the 3 chaos warriors and handfull of Beastmen with Block. Holding the runty cave diggers back for 8 turns would be a piece of cake. Confidence is not something you would normally associate with a Chaos coach, after all chaos is the name of the game and things don’t always go according to plan..if any plan exists in teh first place. This match though, had similar feelings to the previous match…it was going well.


A cloven foot, the best kind of kicking foot.



"Ya like rocks do ya?!...HAR HAR ya see that eh? eh? I got him square in the beard". Stan McWilligan, Crowd participant, Skull Takers Vs The Dwarf Anvils shortly before his death at the hands of a Troll-Slayer Anvil's fan.


With one man down, albeit at the rear of the Anvils line an opportunity for an early ball grab (sounds painfull) gave the Skull Takers the advantage. Ram’em Down opened up the centre allowing Gnar’Nogor free to run in and blitz the ball carrier, more Beastmen poured through the gap splitting the Dwarfs to the right and left.  Ty-Nogor with his extra arm allready running down the far right side to pick the ball up and carry it off to a haven of  beastmen tacklezones, a similar tactic to the one in the first half.


Extra arms are handy.


With a little flair and pizazz the flamboyant Ty-Nogor runs across the endzone before jumping into and scoring his second touchdown of the match.


Showing off and bad sportmanship is encouraged in all chaos leagues.


The frequent promises of being eaten alive are what keep the girls of the Skull Takers cheerleader squad motivated to keep their movements not only co-ordinated but spontanious and energetic. A DVD of the workout will be released much sooner than the chains that bind the women to the team’s transport wagon.


"ready? ok!...Skull Takers aren't fakers, their not bakers or clock makers..goooo SKull Takers!" - The very first and very much NON-missed rally from the Skull Takers cheerleader squad. They have since improved.


And that was all it took. The booze wore off and the grumpy Dwarf stereotype came out in spades. The ease of touchdowns and the frequent ball blundering coupled with the sending off of the USELESS Deathroller, being hit in the head by rocks and terrible cheerleader rallies, was just all too much for the Anvils to bear (rar a bear!) any longer. First the Gigantic and most feared Ram’em Down took a hit to the zeppelin sized kidneys that are housed in his gargantuan frame bringing him down like a sack of Dwarf potatos (heavier than usual).


"MOOOOve out the way!!", Spectator chant everytime this happens.


Then the rest of the Chaos centre line took a beating…


With the cow gone, the rest were soon to follow.


The beating down was pretty bad and coach TooNu would have been worried if he actually cared anything for the players that constantly threaten him but the game was allready in the bag. Time was running out for the Anvils and with the ball far back in the Dwarven half and no chance of a Dwarven passing game coming to suddenly burst into existance he was again..confident of the win. The same feeling spread to the rest of the player base of the Skull Takers and a last minute beard bash took place on centre field.


Never hit people smaller than you, unless they have a beard and hit your cow.


And with the final sending off the game was ended and both teams retreated to their locker rooms to recover. Coach TooNu gave sparse comments when asked about the game, “It’s a great day! I avoid the pot! but yea the game…It was a hard fight but a good one at that, we won and they have beards…I’ll take the win.”


The spectators give this match a very poor review but a win is a win.


With more gold in the Chaotic pot it was time to fill the roster with one last player. A 2nd Minotaur!!…ok well you can only have one on the team but a 4th Chaos warrior was soon to be found. A distant cousin on Krushzor’s mothers, mothers side if Krushzor’s mother was a 40 foot high demon of light, wings, mouths and feathers. Lord Spine Ripper, though not his real name, came willingly due to being enchanted to obey without question and was eager to join the squad due to effective mind manipulation and sorcery.


Lord SPine Ripper likes country music, eating babies, eating puppies, eating kittens, eating ducklings, yo-yo tricks and eating yo-yo's.


Now with an even higher team rating, the Skull Takers team is complete and ready for the next set of matches for the chance at winning the Aerial cup.


Only 8 photographers were hurt during the taking of this picture.



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