30
Sep
10

Blood Bowl – “Bright eyes, how can you close and fail?”

Watership Down aside, the Skull Takers had a fairly easy match up next in comparison to the strong Severed Eads in match 1. The Bright Crusaders, a human team who will not play dirty and who are interested in the ball and who will applaud and congratulate you if you win the match. Good team players with good clean attitudes towards the game of Blood Bowl. I can’t see a team like that being much of a threat to the Chaos band that are the Skull Takers.

I wonder if their team symbol brings luck hmm.

The first event of the game makes TooNu look very bad, Brilliant Coaching and only the Bright Crusaders coach is awarded an extra re-roll for the half. The Takers distrust of their coach is ever increased, some of them plot to eat him after the match if they lose.

TooNu's clearly not as brilliant as the Crusaders coach.

Clearly the Takers don’t want any part of this bad luck, this sign from the gods that demands blood as payment. Straight away the hurting begins in the very first turn as a Crusaders Lineman does something stupid and turns his back on a Beastman who forces the Lineman to think about his mistake from the medical area on the sideline. Not that he will get much thinking done with his fractured skull but he can at least try.

NEVER turn your back to a Beastman, they don't play nice.

The rest of the demonic horde take notice of this and begin punching, chewing, kicking, gouging and damaging anything humanoid as much as possible. The Crusaders first half resembles a battleground more than a football match. Is anybody or anything interested in winning this match?

In Chaotic text, the sports name stops at 'Blood' in Blood bowl.

The more players the Crusaders lose, the more chances the Chaos team has at using numbers to their advantage. This poor lineman never stood a chance.

"4 vs 1? Those are not exactly fair odds there mates...NO PUT MY ARM BACK AIIIIE!!"

With the pitch slowly clearing of humans there was lot’s of room for the Beastman to really get their game on. If they blitz, their horns give them an extra strength modifier which helps in hurting the intended victim. Though at times the charge doesn’t go quite to plan.

The trick is to keep your eyes on the target at all times during your charge, not seeing the spiked shoulder gaurd on this Blitzer was this beastmans first and last mistake of this match.

After so much fighting and blood lust, occasionally a beastman will do something that surprises you. First he will hit something really hard and send that thing flying across the pitch.

A Beastman rams a poor human in the stomach sending him down hard, then checks another player giving the Chaos warrior some assistance in ass-kickery.

Next, he will pick up the ball and run with it and keep running with it until something bigger get’s in his way. This guy had only green grass, stained with blood for the next 30 yards scoring the first touchdown of the match. 1-0 Skull Takers.

An easy walk in for this Beastman with no humans close enough to stop him. Scoring of the touchdown was just for the coaches sake.

2 more turns of mayhem ensued with the ball seeming to remain around centre field. One team trying to survive the match, with the other team trying hard to appease the gods with blood. Half time couldn’t have come fast enough for the Bright Crusaders. They would use the time well, to forumlate a plan and get the tea on to brew. However some of their less fortunate team mates wouldn’t be drinking or eating anything without assistance from heavy doses of painkillers and mechanical machines that help move jaws and digest food.

Half time, or as the Bright Crusaders call it, "Oh thank the maker!!"

The Skull Takers had this match well in control. With the Crusaders fearing for their lives, and being a point down it would be hard for any team to come back and come back stronger than this ravaging horde. though nobody was really thinking about such things as the crowd were loving the half time show put on by the slave cheerleaders, who to their credit have avoided being eaten.

No, those are not pom-poms, yes, they are heads.

Sometimes a team needs just the right amount of luck to get through a game. Sometimes that can take the form of sickness on the other team, sometimes it can take the form of a rousing speech from the coach that inspires victory, and sometimes it takes the form of something else entirely. The gods were feeling playfull it would seem as the second half gets underway.

A change in the wind, but what does it mean?

Well the first couple of turns went fine for the Crusaders. Not a single more member had been sent off with an injury or reduced to a concust state. Those terrible things were left for the pleasure of the Chaos team, with yet again a Chaos Warrior proving he can’t decide who he wants to hit more, himself or his opponent. The human Lineman made his mind up for him and smashed him into the ground before the Chaos Warrior could think up anything nasty.

Injured?! WHAT? oh it's nothing serious, ok that's fine then.

This moment seemed to rally the Bright Crusaders as they forced the Skull Takers line to compensate for this loss of strength. Spreading the chaos boys thin over the field, a hole was opened up leaving the entire back field of the Takers half available for some quick feet and sure hands. The previously ignored ball was scooped up by a Blitzer and ran down field. His legs who were previously trapped under the weight of an armor clad chaos warrior moved like jelly but he was going to reach the endzone if it killed him. Honour was at stake here, his, and his team mates. The crowd could be heard as one long intake of air as 15 yards turned to 10…5..! TOUCHDOWN CRUSADERS!

He can't quite beleive it either.

With only 3 turns each remaining to go; the match was looking to be a 1-1 draw, something would have to be done about it, an example made. The Skull Takers got to work and formalised a plan of attack so devastating that the Bright Crusaders would not dare to score another touchdown again, here, or in another match. The Scoring Blitzer was singled out and cornered as his team mates could only watch from their positions allready under attack. He stood no chance, and in 3 single camera flashes we can see the entire incident here.

1. First you get a big Chaos warrior to smash him to the ground. 2. then you get a group of Beastmen to gather round. 3. You block the Ref's view and you kick the snot out of the Blitzer sending him off the field with a broken collar bone.

He won’t be playing Blood Bowl again that is for certain. Blood was asked for (suprise, suprise) and blood was delivered. The match….the battle was over and both teams headed to their locker rooms for either medical assistance or fresh meat.

A game fans will remember for years, the game that retributious acts were carried out in the name of false gods, lives crippled and ruined, coaches given a second chance at being brilliant.

Strangley enough, the MVP was also the Beastman that injured himself against the Blitzers shoulder gaurd. I guess the commentators thought that moment was hilarious…the sadists.

Unfortunate name no.2 get's his MVP award.

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3 Responses to “Blood Bowl – “Bright eyes, how can you close and fail?””


  1. 01/10/2010 at 4:22 pm

    You need a minotaur, and more chaos warriors imo.

    I’ve only ever used a chaos team, both on the PC game and the actual BB tabletop game, I find the total lack of usefull skills to be a real hinderance early on but once the players have gained some experiance (and learned how to block) they soon start to dominate. In fact in BB tabletop after a while people started refusing to play against my team for fear of losing good players as well as the match.

    • 2 TooNuRaccoon
      01/10/2010 at 8:37 pm

      Hey, my first tabletop team were the Champions of Death skeleton team which were awesome but kinda samey…though fear of death was not a problem. And then a Goblin team, which were HUGELY fun but pretty weak. The troll throwing the short guys was my favourite tactic πŸ™‚
      Now this Chaos team are really coming into their own, I have bags of games under my belt now, just writing these reports and keeping up to date with my league takes a little time. You will see a Minotaur shortly πŸ™‚

  2. 03/10/2010 at 7:38 am

    heh, I managed to convince the people I played with to let me have a snotling on my team, they didn’t see a problem with it until my minotaur decided to not eat it, ever. It became one of my best scorers.


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