Blood Bowl – Blood for the Blood god.

...annnd we're back!

A new season and a new team, that is what I need. The last time I did some Blood Bowl-ing was great fun and my team the Littul Runtz Goblin’s were REALLY fun but my tactics tend to favor bashing heads in in just about every game I play because why be subtle about it? So I’ve always wanted to try a Chaos team and they are awesome at bashing heads in and being a bit special. Without any more to do, a fresh install of Blood Bowl and a couple hours later and I have my first game and my first report, awesome.

Original team mantra right?

The 3 cheerleaders come from Middenheim, the doc’ also comes from there and all 4 were just unfortunate to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and so ‘sequestered’ along for the duration of the rest of their lives. We are currently looking to increase the number of cheerleaders to a full squad, that is if I can stop the players from sacrificing the poor wenches after every match. A local wizard was paid to place the players in stasis so we could get this locker room shot, without him, it would not have been possible.

For 200 gold you can hire a magic user to get a similar effect, though, to get your gold back you lock the wizard in there and wait for the spell to wear off.

Coach TooNu and the Skull Takers head to their first match in the Clean Cup. Chaos Vs Orcs.

Skull takers and severed heads...similar team themes, coincedence or god meddling?

Both teams take to the field and the coin is flipped into the air, and so is the Ref by an Orc Blitzer too eager to start the fightin’ resulting in The Skull Takers getting an automatic win and choose to kick off the first half. Before the ball even gets half way across the field the right side of the pitch moves straight into the Orc defensive line opening it up ready for a stampede of unstoppable chaos.

It was a legal move, the ball was over the half way line and with the Ref paying more attention to mending his arm the Takers take full advantage of the Orcs.

The early Blitz makes for a great advantage leaving the Orcs with fewer options in the first turn but like all Orc teams the options are usually the same, just different ways to bash a head in, but still bashing heads in. And so the dramatic chaotic opening is left out in the wind with nothing watching their backs. Despite the early bashing the Orcs get, the Takers line gets a hammering.

Orcs doing what Orcs do best.

With nothing but fighting and breaking of bones happening, the players tend to forget why they are there in the first place. The one holding the ball is generally the safest player out there. Unless of course he gets in the way of a charging beastman, which this unfortunate Orc did.

A large bloodstain is all that remains of the ball carrier who is taken off the field. The ball is still largely ignored and play resumes to kicking faces down necks.

The most powerfull players a team can field are generally placed in the centre of the match to stop any large gaps from opening up, and pushing to the right or left if the game swings one way or the other. Dead centre of this match was a heavy Chaos player who after the first 7 turns was only seen surrounded by Orc blockers throwing them back across into their own half. He was a juggernaut of unstoppable rage, until he got it into his head that the only thing taking him down…is himself, and so instead of stopping an Orc litzer with the ball, he punched his own face in to show the Orc exactly how tough he was.

He sees stars now, later he will see release papers.

And with that oh so very smart move the first half comes to a close

Lot's of blood for the blood god indeed.

The half time talks were brief. Don’t let the greenskins run the ball in, don’t eat any mroe spectators…you can’t run on a full stomach, don’t hit yourself to impress a greenskin. The trick to getting them to listen is to hold a knife to your assistants throat because they pay attention..or rather salivate at the possible slaying. You say the words quickly and loud, then you let your assistant go and throw a bucket of sheeps entrails onto the floor to distract them. It’s a hard job coaching a team who only play for blood. Which is why the tactics used are few, one formation seems to stick in their heads though. It is based on the ancient ‘Shotgun’ formation but if you yell, “SLAUGHTER THEM!!” before the kick off, the players quickly get the message.

How it works is quite simple, the ball is retrieved and ran up the right side of the pitch quickly. The right side break through and push to the left while the left side scoop behind the front line and cover the ball carrier.

Of course the quick fire play usually has it’s moments, such as our Chaos warrior proving once again that he is the toughest SOB on the pitch which quickly hands the game over to the Orc team who see what the Chaos team are trying to do.

At least this time he took the Orc in front down aswell.

In the 11th turn the Chaos drive break through the Orc line leaving a pattern of tackle zones for the Beastman to pass through safely.

Orcs are not the most agile of creatures preffering to go through a player rather than around. So by using the tackle zones to their advantage, the Chaos team protect the ball carrier.

And by turn 12 and with the endzone in reach, for once the Skull Takers decide to do the best thing and run the ball home scoring 1 Touchdown and taking the lead with 6 turns remaining.

He cheers..but the spectators are either dead, eaten or too big and stupid to understand why they are their in the first place.

The last few turns go as expected. The ‘Eads recieve the ball and try to push forward but the Skull Takers are not interested in giving up their ground and a large fight breaks out in the middle of the field. The balls is left to a hapless Orc who decides he can’t run fast enough and so also joins in with the centre field rumble. A nasty cheap shot is delivered by no less than 5 Beastmen on one unlucky Orc Blitzer but only recieves a minor concussion. A fellow lineman doesn’t fare any better and takes a hoof to the head putting him out for the entire game and onto the injury list, though badly hurt he suffers no long lasting effect. Nothing in his head to damage I assume. With only 2 turns remaining, both teams continue to fight until the Ref calls time and the match finishes 1-0 Skull Takers.

The last injury of the game brings the match to a close.

The Skull Takers gain some fan following, I suspect the cheerleaders have something to do with that.

Injuring opponent teams players gives more experience to your players. Hence the love of fighting towards the end of the match. It can be risky if your player instead becomes injured but it’s like coach TooNu always says, “Hit them first, then stand on them…sacrifce the chicken later.” More experience is earned by winning the MVP award, which is given out by the commentators to a player on each team. I’m not sure what this Beastman did to deserve it but perhaps he ate more spectators than any other player?

Laly Tusk...unfortunate name number 1.

And so the locker room was emptied and the Skull Takers go back to…well where ever you find such players, we best not think about that too much. I hear that the locker room had to be burned to the ground, bulldozed and sanctified before being rebuilt. I wonder if the field owners realise the Skull Takers will be back?


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