14
Oct
09

Of Elves and Goblins.

The Littul Runtz last chance to grab a play off spot was now, the points were never more important. So after a quick breakfast of mice and orange juice the goblins got themselves ready. Once again the difference in team values played a part in this match as the elves were sadly undermanned. The Runtz get nothing extra as usual.

Nothing lower than Mercs...well perhaps a Goblin

Nothing lower than Merc's...well perhaps a Goblin

So after taking to the feild and losing the toss, I had to set up to kick the ball. Now Goblin coaches generally do not attempt to strongarm their opponents, instead favouring the elude and dodge tactics that their Goblin players favour. Their stunty ability giving them better than average chances of dodging away from attackers means you don’t want start them in range of a block. Remember each team gets only one blitz action per turn.

Yellow = Troll, White = Gobbo, Green = Fanatic

Yellow = Troll, White = Gobbo, Green = Fanatic

The idea is to cover the entire pitch so there are no gaps for the equally agile elves to slip through, but also so they have nothing to block on their opening turn with exception to the front 3 and the Fanatic…and who is going to blitz a gobbo with a swinging ball of iron?

This elven pointy eared bunch, apparently. An elven lineman teamed up with a blitzing wardancer and put my poor Fanatic into the granite, knocking him unconcious and off the pitch before he could do any harm, leaving the right side of the field wide open. Strange that their thrower picked up the ball and ran to the far left, surrounded by elves in an impressive cage ready to throw no doubt to a teammate deep in goblin land on the far right.

Caged in elves, the thrower can take his time with his art form

Caged in elves, the thrower can take his time with his art form

Except that he didn’t manage it and this was the first time I had seen a turnover for this reason.

A roll of a 1 followed by a 1 followed by the elven thrower cursing to the sky.

A roll of a 1 followed by a 1 followed by the elven thrower cursing to the sky.

So the ball landed towards the middle of the pitch giving the surest of sure Goblins, Snakrit, a chance to pick it up and run up field. It was not meant to be, he failed to pick up the ball and a turnover was had before I could do anything else. The elves wasting no time went straight for the ball, a nimble Wardancer weaved her way through the goblins to pick up the ball and launch it to a waiting elf in the Runtz half. It was all too fast and it was all to certain that in just the second turn, the Bramble Blockers would be 1-0 up.

How to score a touch down in 4 simple steps. 1. FACT: having 80s rock hair helps your dodge ability. 2. The dice gods smile on you, perfect catch! 3. Run into the endzone...its that difficult. 4. Engage smug mode.

How to score a touch down in 4 steps. 1. FACT: having 80's rock hair helps your dodge ability. 2. The dice gods smile on you, perfect catch! 3. Run into the endzone...it's that difficult. 4. Engage smug mode.

With that quick touchdown the pressure was on. After a quick talking to from me the Littul Runtz headed back out along with my third secret weapon, the Pogoer, to help cover the back field while spreading the remaining goblins about to cover the left and right sides.

My Trolls and I felt certain that the key to this game was to make a bloody mess down the middle to get some gobbo with the ball through and score before the half ended. That was the new plan.  So firstly Gutpuke and Riverfart eyed up the treeman and deciding that bark was not all that tasty so instead they double blocked which sent the Ent off with a back injury, the muscle on the feild now belonged soley to the Runtz as the Elven centre came crashing down to a roar of “TIMBER!” from the crowd.

A double block from the trolls means the gobbos have firewood for the winter.

A double block from the trolls means the gobbos have firewood for the winter.

The remaining turns in the first half were spent with silly dodge maneouvers failing on the Elves side resulting in turnover after turnover, or a stupid blocking motion from an overly confident goblin Pogoer which also resulted in turnovers. And with neither side gaining ground over the other, and no way for my goblins to get through with the ball the first half came to a close.

The locker room talk was a harsh and stern one, “Gobbos can’t run like elves”, I said, “Trolls can’t run like elves”, I said, “kick them in the face…”, I said, “…when they are on the ground”, I added. All were in agreement and the second half began.

It began by a series of, “What?”, “bloody hell…”, “NOT AGAIN?!?” moments as my goblins came like some great demoralising wave of failure. Two failed ball pick ups from Mr.Surehands himself and a Turnover from Gutpuke (Mr.Fail) I could see the ball that was kicked to me 2 turns previous lying just 3 squares from a fast pointy eared git in my half and all I had done was make 1 attempt at picking up a ball, a failed block followed by another failed ball pick up. So with my first 3 turns of the second half gone, my line of scrimmage had turned into a brawl and another hole had opened up allowing elves to pour through it. Would it become a 2-0 game?

Mr.Surehands is now only sure that he fails at picking up the ball.

Mr.Surehands is now only sure that he fails at picking up the ball.

Which is why it came as a bit of a suprise that around turn 16 I had infact managed to not only pick up the ball and worm may goblins up the feild, but I was only 8 spaces from the endzone.  As it turns out, the pointies had just as much unlucky dice as I this match and they were either being sent off unconcious  to bad dodging or being too far in my half to do anything usefull. The two trolls remained unmovable in the centre letting nothing past them, while the left side became a mass of goblins pushing Elven linemen off the pitch for the crowd to have a dig at.

Turn 18 and still nothing could get the the little bugger, Snakrit (formely Mr.Surehands), runs it into the endzone unmolested by Elven wardancers or linemen. He had redeemed himself in the eyes of his fans and his team mates. He celebrated it by humping the air and all was well, 1-1 but only barely.

Do the touchdown hump if you can barely jump, or want to lose your rump just hump!

Do the touchdown hump if you can barely jump, or want to lose your rump just hump!

The results.

A 1-1 draw, but is it enough for the play offs?

A 1-1 draw, but is it enough for the play offs?

It turns out that it is! oh happy days, the Littul Runtz are going into the playoffs. Their first match is drawn against…The Mitteldorf Smashers….oh well it was a pleasure knowing you fine greenskins. Make the best of your remaining days boyz, they are marked.

Dun dun derrrrrr

Dun dun derrrrrr

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