Archive for October, 2009

15
Oct
09

Playoffs first match

The Mittledorf Smashers Vs the Littul Runtz, not their first meeting but certainly their last, one way or another. Both sides had scores to settle, The Smashers couldn’t accept that the first match was a draw, The Runtz just wanted some payback for injuries suffered the first time around. It was the first match of the playoffs, a grudge match.

The teams march out onto the pitch. Eyeing each other for weak links.

The teams march out onto the pitch. Eyeing each other for weak links.

The Smashers win the toss and opt to receive, so the Runtz use the proven Goblin Suprise! formation. A tactic that involves a small pocket hiding the Looney  while spreading out down one side. The objective is to punch a hole in the middle and let the looney chrage through it to the ball carrier or at least the cage that inevitably forms. The rest of the goblins follow through behind ready for the following turn.

White = Gobbo, Yellow = Troll, Green = Looney

White = Gobbo, Yellow = Troll, Green = Looney

What happens next is a suprise allright, at the start of each restart there is a possible element/event that can occur such as free reroll due to cheering fans, or stones being thrown at specific players, or the Ref. hides away. I was fortunate to see BLITZ! and Goblin Suprise! never felt more fitting.

I was able to kick the ball, run a Goblin to attempt the catch, send my Looney around to cause some trouble on the scrimmage line and position my goblins to form a wall. Awesome.

I was able to kick the ball, run a Goblin to attempt the catch, send my Looney around to cause some trouble on the scrimmage line and position my goblins to form a wall.

Had that little bugger caught the ball it would have been a great moment, but like the previous game, no Goblin likes to pick up the ball…maybe they are affraid it brings pain?

The first half is usually where I am doing the worst as a Goblin coach. Not until several turns have gone by and I see an opportunity or see the development of a plan forming do I start to really play. With that in mind the Smashers really earned their name by promptly smashing and bashing into anything on the opposite team.

My cunning wall of gobbos came crashing down into unconciousness and off the pitch, one resulting in an injury that would leave poor Gritlid an AV (Armour Value) point down permanently, my Apothecary Doc.Snivvle tried his best apparently using up to  date medical procedures.

Methinks the Doc. might be doing something wrong.

Methinks the Doc. might be doing something wrong.

Even the two Trolls were off by the 6th turn, at least this time it was not on their own doing. A Blitzer with about 3 lineman ran straight at Riverfart Putting his knee into the trolls overfed belly putting him into a deep sleep. While the Ogre hired for this game punched clean through Gutpukes face in an attempt to find the walnut of a brain. Both were off, luckily Gutpuke’s regeneration skill kicked in and he was saved from a second injury.

With nothing but 4 or 5 Gobbos left and my Looney keeping the Smashers backfield busy it was not looking good for the Runtz as the ball was ran down the right side of the pitch through the remaining goblins and within scoring distance, it would just take 2 squares of sprinting and the first touchdown would belong to the Smashe..HAH! he tripped! he tripped and the ball is loose on the 8th turn!

The Runtz saved by unlucky Go for it! dice for the Smashers Blitzer who trips, stumbles and falls stunned letting the ball go.

The Runtz saved by unlucky 'Go for it!' dice for the Smashers Blitzer who trips, stumbles and falls stunned letting the ball go.

And with that bit of luck, I decide not to push it and just end my last turn, ending the half and not a moment too soon.

Some teams sip water or sports drinks, The Runtz prefer to sip on a damp rat.

Some teams sip water or sports drinks, The Runtz prefer to sip on a damp rat.

After another talking to and a short time spent slapping unconcious Gobbos about, the boys get back onto the pitch ready to recieve the ball and start some trouble. The Trolls both pass their rolls and are able to return to the feild more eager to repay their assailants from the first half. The goblins dress to the left and form a tackle wall on the right.

A Riot breaks out losing 2 turns for both teams, it was 0-0 and allready turn 10.

An as yet unknown goblin called Zwinech stands between the Trolls (very risky) to give aid with his Gaurd ability. Aslong as he is next to whoever is getting beat on, he will give a plus 1 modifier to blocking rolls. He is a very handy Goblin as it would turn out as Riverpuke and Gutfart waste…what?..oh, RiverFart and Gutpuke waste no time in exacting their revenge starting with a Lineman that caught the brunt of Riverfart…or Gutpukes fury being sent off with a smashed collarbone. Followed shortly by a devastating blow to Vaarg the Ogres head almost taking it clean off but a back injury would have to do and it was his turn to spend the rest of the half lying on a sick bed.

Revenge is a dish best served however Trolls like it, DO NOT ARGUE WITH A TROLL!

Revenge is a dish best served however Trolls like it, DO NOT ARGUE WITH A TROLL!

The whirling chaotic deathmachine that is the Fanatic Skegkit took the oportunity to bowl through the Smashers line, knocking 2 lineman into a stunned sleep, putting his Iron ball through a 3rd lineman allready lying on the floor and finally sending a Blitzer off with a concusion. When he has a good game, he has a REALLY good game.

This opened the entire left side up, with no humans standing or able to stand in the following turn. Good Ole Snakrit ran the ball in for a convincing touchdown his second of the season, celebrated of course by air humping.

Touch Touch Touch, Down Down Down !!

Touch Touch Touch, Down Down Down !!

And with that there was an uneventfull kick off for the Humans remaining turn, no blocks save for a pushback and no Goblins were further harmed. The match was over and the Runtz won there first match of the season but also passed into the final of the play offs!

The Runtz advance to the final, while the Smashers go back to Mittledorf

The Runtz advance to the final, while the Smashers go back to Mittledorf

The MVP on the pitch that day was Zwinech who really stood as a strong point for the line of scrimmage, without him there the two Trolls would not have had the advantage they needed over the Ogre in which to dominate the centre of the field.  A well deserved pat on the back for this little guy and an extra meal of mice for him…only kidding, we don’t like to spoil our players.

MVP of the day Zwinech The Gaurd

MVP of the day Zwinech "The Gaurd"

There was also some team management to be had, tricky business when dealing with Goblins. The Runtz suffered a death and an injured player. The death was a bit of a blow but but replaced with a fresh teammate from the hordes of eager Goblins, the injured player Gritlid was discarded back into circulation also in favour of a new ‘green’ teammate (joke intended). Having a weaker member on the team who is even more easily injured only serves as easy prey and a demoralising figure to the other Gobbos who see just how easy it is to fall underneath the hoof of a Minotaur, or become run over by an Elf. So he was given his last victory rat and sent on his way.

Out with the broken, in with the not so broken

Out with the broken, in with the not so broken

And with that, the Littul Runtz head into the final against…well…it HAD to be them didn’t it? The Rotten Rats return!

The Final. The Rotten Rats Vs The Littul Runtz

The Final. The Rotten Rats Vs The Littul Runtz

14
Oct
09

Of Elves and Goblins.

The Littul Runtz last chance to grab a play off spot was now, the points were never more important. So after a quick breakfast of mice and orange juice the goblins got themselves ready. Once again the difference in team values played a part in this match as the elves were sadly undermanned. The Runtz get nothing extra as usual.

Nothing lower than Mercs...well perhaps a Goblin

Nothing lower than Merc's...well perhaps a Goblin

So after taking to the feild and losing the toss, I had to set up to kick the ball. Now Goblin coaches generally do not attempt to strongarm their opponents, instead favouring the elude and dodge tactics that their Goblin players favour. Their stunty ability giving them better than average chances of dodging away from attackers means you don’t want start them in range of a block. Remember each team gets only one blitz action per turn.

Yellow = Troll, White = Gobbo, Green = Fanatic

Yellow = Troll, White = Gobbo, Green = Fanatic

The idea is to cover the entire pitch so there are no gaps for the equally agile elves to slip through, but also so they have nothing to block on their opening turn with exception to the front 3 and the Fanatic…and who is going to blitz a gobbo with a swinging ball of iron?

This elven pointy eared bunch, apparently. An elven lineman teamed up with a blitzing wardancer and put my poor Fanatic into the granite, knocking him unconcious and off the pitch before he could do any harm, leaving the right side of the field wide open. Strange that their thrower picked up the ball and ran to the far left, surrounded by elves in an impressive cage ready to throw no doubt to a teammate deep in goblin land on the far right.

Caged in elves, the thrower can take his time with his art form

Caged in elves, the thrower can take his time with his art form

Except that he didn’t manage it and this was the first time I had seen a turnover for this reason.

A roll of a 1 followed by a 1 followed by the elven thrower cursing to the sky.

A roll of a 1 followed by a 1 followed by the elven thrower cursing to the sky.

So the ball landed towards the middle of the pitch giving the surest of sure Goblins, Snakrit, a chance to pick it up and run up field. It was not meant to be, he failed to pick up the ball and a turnover was had before I could do anything else. The elves wasting no time went straight for the ball, a nimble Wardancer weaved her way through the goblins to pick up the ball and launch it to a waiting elf in the Runtz half. It was all too fast and it was all to certain that in just the second turn, the Bramble Blockers would be 1-0 up.

How to score a touch down in 4 simple steps. 1. FACT: having 80s rock hair helps your dodge ability. 2. The dice gods smile on you, perfect catch! 3. Run into the endzone...its that difficult. 4. Engage smug mode.

How to score a touch down in 4 steps. 1. FACT: having 80's rock hair helps your dodge ability. 2. The dice gods smile on you, perfect catch! 3. Run into the endzone...it's that difficult. 4. Engage smug mode.

With that quick touchdown the pressure was on. After a quick talking to from me the Littul Runtz headed back out along with my third secret weapon, the Pogoer, to help cover the back field while spreading the remaining goblins about to cover the left and right sides.

My Trolls and I felt certain that the key to this game was to make a bloody mess down the middle to get some gobbo with the ball through and score before the half ended. That was the new plan.  So firstly Gutpuke and Riverfart eyed up the treeman and deciding that bark was not all that tasty so instead they double blocked which sent the Ent off with a back injury, the muscle on the feild now belonged soley to the Runtz as the Elven centre came crashing down to a roar of “TIMBER!” from the crowd.

A double block from the trolls means the gobbos have firewood for the winter.

A double block from the trolls means the gobbos have firewood for the winter.

The remaining turns in the first half were spent with silly dodge maneouvers failing on the Elves side resulting in turnover after turnover, or a stupid blocking motion from an overly confident goblin Pogoer which also resulted in turnovers. And with neither side gaining ground over the other, and no way for my goblins to get through with the ball the first half came to a close.

The locker room talk was a harsh and stern one, “Gobbos can’t run like elves”, I said, “Trolls can’t run like elves”, I said, “kick them in the face…”, I said, “…when they are on the ground”, I added. All were in agreement and the second half began.

It began by a series of, “What?”, “bloody hell…”, “NOT AGAIN?!?” moments as my goblins came like some great demoralising wave of failure. Two failed ball pick ups from Mr.Surehands himself and a Turnover from Gutpuke (Mr.Fail) I could see the ball that was kicked to me 2 turns previous lying just 3 squares from a fast pointy eared git in my half and all I had done was make 1 attempt at picking up a ball, a failed block followed by another failed ball pick up. So with my first 3 turns of the second half gone, my line of scrimmage had turned into a brawl and another hole had opened up allowing elves to pour through it. Would it become a 2-0 game?

Mr.Surehands is now only sure that he fails at picking up the ball.

Mr.Surehands is now only sure that he fails at picking up the ball.

Which is why it came as a bit of a suprise that around turn 16 I had infact managed to not only pick up the ball and worm may goblins up the feild, but I was only 8 spaces from the endzone.  As it turns out, the pointies had just as much unlucky dice as I this match and they were either being sent off unconcious  to bad dodging or being too far in my half to do anything usefull. The two trolls remained unmovable in the centre letting nothing past them, while the left side became a mass of goblins pushing Elven linemen off the pitch for the crowd to have a dig at.

Turn 18 and still nothing could get the the little bugger, Snakrit (formely Mr.Surehands), runs it into the endzone unmolested by Elven wardancers or linemen. He had redeemed himself in the eyes of his fans and his team mates. He celebrated it by humping the air and all was well, 1-1 but only barely.

Do the touchdown hump if you can barely jump, or want to lose your rump just hump!

Do the touchdown hump if you can barely jump, or want to lose your rump just hump!

The results.

A 1-1 draw, but is it enough for the play offs?

A 1-1 draw, but is it enough for the play offs?

It turns out that it is! oh happy days, the Littul Runtz are going into the playoffs. Their first match is drawn against…The Mitteldorf Smashers….oh well it was a pleasure knowing you fine greenskins. Make the best of your remaining days boyz, they are marked.

Dun dun derrrrrr

Dun dun derrrrrr

13
Oct
09

The Gobbos, The Skaven and The Ugly…Dice

My goblin team the Littul Runtz are into their second league after winning the Clean Cup without losing or drawing a single game. I thought it would always be like that, I thought the goblins from my tabletop days were still invincible, undeafeatable, cunning, lucky and still great fun. Turns out that only the “great fun” part is most correct.

Green moon...but not made of cheese.

Green moon...but not made of cheese.

And here is the team before the match in their dressing room as yet un injured and full of worms.

I think they are vegetarian trolls or this lot would be in danger.

I think they are vegetarian trolls or this lot would be in danger.

They are 2nd in their league despite a brutal match at the hands of the Mittledorf Smashers (a human team) which equalled in a 0-0 draw with no injuries, not bad for gobbos. So to stand a chance of getting into the play offs, a win here would be nice.

My opponents, The Rotten Rats, a Skaven team from some ungodly sewer who thankfully posses no behemoth of a giant rat so next to my 2 trolls the ratties should become mincemeat in no time, if I can catch them. That’s a big IF.

Heads I win, Tails you lose...HAH! told you.

Heads I win, Tails you lose...HAH! told you.

The coin toss goes my way (heads ftw) I opt to recieve becuase I want to get my trolls to hit the ratties asap. The Skaven may not have a strength advantage against the goblins but the less that are standing up on their turn, the less they can run at my poor goblins in the back field.

Gutpuke and Riverfart wade into the ratties 3 linemen, one crumples like he wasn’t even there the second crumples like he wasn’t ev….

...Gutpuke fails me.

...Gutpuke fails me.

It is a good job that I do my blocking last. All of my gobbos have moved to help protect the ball carrier who is the level 3 Snakrit with his sure hands and feet. He wouldn’t fail me like Gutpuke. Not that any of this matters, the ratties run through my defensive line and charge straight at Snakrit who gets one in the back. The next turn went a little like the first in that my fanatic Skegit managed to put his giant spiked ball into his own head rather than the Stormvermin as such the Rotten Rats are a touchdown up in only their 2nd turn. So this first run pretty much set a trend for the rest of game. Thankfully a little on both sides.

Oh the joys of that word when it works in your favor...oh the joys.

Oh the joys of that word when it works in your favor...oh the joys.

All was not lost however. The 2nd half started with only Riverpuke able to play (Gutpuke’s contract may come under scrutny after this match) and my old faithfull friend Shekzit and his faithfull friend Mr.Chainsaw. Together they planned on ruining as many Skaven as possible. It sort of went that way, in the ruining part, but Riverfart and Shekzit had nothing to do with it. Some turns in and 2 plucky Goblins teamed up to kill a gutter runner and then injure a thrower.

REVENGE! beware the terrible two

REVENGE! beware the terrible two

With this sort of behaviour the rest of the Runtz followed suit ganging up on Skaven around the ball carrier. It was quite inspiring to see the rest of the team kick, punch and chew their way through the ratties.  Two more left the pitch on a stretcher..well they sank into the pitch but they were gone and it was a free run up to the endzone!

Im runnin free yea, im runnin free!

Notice my opponents smack talk...childish.

With nothing to stop him, Gubbsniv drives over the line for the equalizer on the last turn!…well I delayed it from 2 turns previous to do more harm to the ratties than they really deserved but well, how often do you see Gobbos outnumbering their opponents?

So the match came to a 1-1 draw and the fantastic comeback of the Littul Runtz to get an equalizer was just staggering, surely that goes down as match of the week with the highlight reel being filled with moments from the second halfs butchery.

Lost fans...LOST FANS?!? we clawed for that last touchdown and you desert us? oh we will find where you live! your knees are not safe!!

Lost fans...LOST FANS?!? we clawed for that last touchdown and you desert us? oh we will find where you live! your knees are not safe!!

Well…you B***ARDS… there’s no pleasing some people, elves, gobbos, mythical beasts.

So with that the Littul Runtz maintain their second spot in the league behind the Bramble Blockers a woodelf team who have 9 players available for their next match against me, and it looks like their treeman has only 1 MA due to a smashed ankle injury. Now like all Goblin coaches I am thinking, “how can I exploit that?”.

12
Oct
09

Hello, and Blood for the Blood Bowl!

Games! HAH! All games are great, I play PC games mostly but board games are just as fun because…well it is in person with others around you and you can mock or laugh or do silly things and its all fun. FUN!

Here is what I have been playing recently.

Do you have greenskin and Is this sort of thing attractive to you?

Do you have greenskin and Is this sort of thing attractive to you?

You are an elf, behind you is a Minotaur and a Goblin with a chainsaw, what do you do?

You are a hearing impaired elf, behind you is a Minotaur and a Goblin with a chainsaw, your friend is on fire and your team mate throws the spiked steel ball at your star player, what do you do?

Of course that is the expansion of the board game and I am playing it on the PC so it looks more like this..

In Blood Bowl you REALLY pay with blood

In Blood Bowl you REALLY pay with blood

WHOOPS! ha…ha..ok so no, clearly I have issues with actual piracy here, not the copying software piracy but actual piracy where a group of individuals try to fleece you for all of your hard gotten cash. So “yes!” this PC version of blood bowl but “no!” to that price and with no more talk of that here is the actual game.

Here we see a Goblin, with a chainsaw..that idea alone is one reason I play this game

Here we see a Goblin, with a chainsaw..that idea alone is one reason I play this game

My goblin team the Littul Runtz, their 2 trolls Riverfart and Gutpuke and then Snekzit…the boy with the chainsaw, he will be sent off after the first touchdown or at the end of the first half..what ever occurs first. Up until that point, fear, fear and pain and horrendous injuries will occur to the opposite team. Unless the dice gods are not having it in which case he will fall over during a block and his own chainsaw will take him out which will require a bit more than a bandaid.

The dangers of machinery misuse on the footbal pitch.

The dangers of machinery misuse on the footbal pitch.

My Gobbo team is merely for comedy and diversity, it is a single player campaign using the original rules and so far has been very enjoyable. I run 2 other campaigns, chaos and human. They are also fun but for other reasons and I will get into them at a later date.

Oh and Blood Bowl is not the only game I am playing at the moment, but this makes a good start 🙂




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